Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Elemental






Earth nurtures the spirit inside
Let the winds guide my soul
Eternally forged in mortal flame
Magic shines in a silver beam
Enchanted in a circle of stone
Nations of spirit shall return
Tribal drums echoes the past
Across the vales of paranoia
Liberty shall release my soul




    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • spiritraven
    September 9

    Edit | Reply

    Well done

    I truly enjoyed reading this. A lot of emotion and words that explode with meaning. Thank you for sharing


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 17
    Edit | Reply
    Jem, lose the u/c final letter of each line - they don't need to be like that, and they make the typography ugly. Also, I wonder if you could possibly find a word other than "fire's" in line 3; fire and flame being so close in meaning (although not precise synonyms by any means) give an effect which, to my ear, jars a little.

    Leaving all my nitpicking aside, this is another jem-gem.


    • Ceridwens Soul silver member
      August 17

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you M.

      The assignment described it with both letters capped,hence I have done it as that but yeah can take it down no sweat.

      fire and flames will work on it.


      • Mairi bheag gold member
        August 17

        Edit | Reply
        I didn't twig that it was an assignment. Some assignments are purely destructive.

        (The wee lass once did a string of contests here, based on assignments from her creative writing class. I won every single one, except one where I got a silver and THAT should have been a gold, so it wasn't favouritism.)


        • Ceridwens Soul silver member
          August 17
          Edit | Reply
          Now there is an idea hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. That could actually be a good way of learning.

          will run it past you later

  • Purrsanthema
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    What a wonderful little poem! It's one of those acts of mental gymnastics I shy away from. Only Celts and Elves do them well, in my opinion.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    August 16

    Edit | Reply

    wow..

    you've done this before(the mirrored acrostics) and that was impressive, but this one is even more so.. you inspire me..i think the next write i may do one as well..of course giving u credit for it though!

1 - 9 of 9