Just What I Wanted...

At first it was great. 1 month 2, 3 months 4. All was going well. I let myself get close, too close. That changed to no way out. The first time ever, soon changed to doubts. Blinded to the fact, that something was slowly changing, you. We started to fight over seemingly nothing.  We both lost sight, of how wrong it had gone. But we kept holding on.
Yells turned into screams,  and screams turned into bruises. Deep down knowing that you weren't the same, it was obvious that something had changed.
Even sex became a pointless battle, whenever you wanted. I became your whore. Never daring to say no, alwyas trying to lay low. Notr to make a scene, just go with the flow. I couldn't change it, you layed down the law. You had become the hunter, and I was your game. You were a different person, you just weren't the same.
Some days I left, running out the door. Cleared the fence, but kept coming back for more.
A neighbour dared to attempt to offer some comfort. Clean up the mess, that you had made. Try to talk me into leaving 'he's going to kill you', downright stubborness stopped her inher tracks. I couldn't see a way to turn back. Convinced that there was no way out. Covering the bruises and the bloody wounds. Trying to hide my bad moods. She attempted to help, when no-one could. Always waiting on the front porch, waiting to say that I should leave for good.
A year on, learning that I was pregnant. Barely 15. And now not just scared for my own life. Another inside me, I knew that meant strife. Tip toeing my way around, for months on end....

I tried, but there was too much damage to mend. You wanted sex. No, no, NO! Io had had enough! More than enough! The seams cracked. Resulting in disaster. An explosion of anger, for a brief moment I was the master. I went around to tell you the news. Not to have a fight because I refused. I could tell that you were off your face. I had known for a while. Didn't dare to say, thought you'd tell me at your own pace.
A fist to the jaw, knocked me to the floor. A grab at the throat, had me up against the wall. 1 hit 2, 3 hits 4. A foot to the guts and you still went back for more. Bang, bang. Next thing I know, im waking up on the floor. Next to me the lady from next door. I lay there, the pain unbearable. On the middle of the floor, the first tear was shed. A comforting hug. I still couldn't move. Slowly getting to my feet, with a helping hand. Went straight to the fridge, looking for a can. Finally finding my tongue, 'what have I done?' she desperately tried to convince me that I had done nothing wrong, 'but I started it, I made him mad, I deserve this!' there was no convincing me otherwise. I had made up my mind. So sore, so much pain. I had sent everything down the drain. But I still stayed?
No way out, so confused. Drowning in self doubt. Never did I expect to catch you out. Shooting up...heroin. With one quick snatch, I grabbed the needle, shoved it in my arm. If you didn't have it, surely you couldn't do any harm?
A wave of nothingness, no pain....
Just what I wanted