Here underneath fluorescent light
all the colors are subdued.
Then here come all the men
soaked deep in dark blue suits.
A pompous cactus will draw blood
and leave you to dry in sun.
The shining yellow of grinning flame speaks
come my girl what have you done?
Cataloged monsters strung in air
where unused salt is the only smell.
I've been wrong and I must go
dressed in silver into Hell.
Two wind gusts captured my eye
on family trees of devils and fangs.
I lift myself from the dirt
and allow the men to grip my hands.
All licked lips will burst red
on the cold where rain won't wet.
Intent was well my mouth informed
as my two feet trudged me west.
Orange citrus skies dance with lines
that circle off and never end.
His handle tight and oughtn't be
if I'd been good one man said.
See the vastness lose one, gain two
then tell me the beast is sober.
Speakers spoke their noses raw
'til clubs cracked and talk was over.
Great, dense webs of light air
dive to flip in high attack.
All the words both bad and good
were shut up and faded black.
Deep soil patterns mix with blood
muddy the arms we've been given.
My brown eyes do not just fancy
that I am not the only victim.
Gold be got of ill hands
of greater gods not unlike man.
The grin is deep in the capture
of my charges of His plan.
Burns and fades in all that spirals
can be of beauty in violent time.
No, watch the ears of evil men
as my voice says my life is mine.
Grey skies ripped and light released
breaking shadows that hide delight.
The captive released once silence breaks....
Author notes
Prompt: Inferno
A contest entry
- X Factor 3: Top 24 Final Audition (Group C) by sideways hourglass.
625 points, ended August 24, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I found this to be very juicy in thought. Bravo.
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Thank you
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Black on Black
Originality: 14/15
Creativity/Poetic device: 14/15
Line breaks/structure: 12/15
Cohesion/focus: 13/15
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 14/15
Emotion/Personality/Edge: 13/15
Overall opinion: 14/15
impact/reaction: 13/15
Mechanics: 13/15
Rules followed regarding challenge: 15/15
Creativity in regards to given prompt/challenge: 9/10
Fluency: 9/10
Diction/verbiage: 9/10
Syntax: 9/10
Title: 10/10
Total: 181
This is one of those pieces that I think would be a whole lot better if it were deconstructed and recreated in a more free flowing, structureless way. You did really well on a lot of points but the structure and flow of the write weren't very pleasing.
s ~Genie~
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168
Originality: 14/15
Creativity/Poetic device: 14/15
Line breaks/structure: 12/15 -- consistent syllable count would help immensely.
Cohesion/focus: 13/15
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 14/15
Emotion/Personality/Edge: 13/15
Overall opinion: 12/15
impact/reaction: 12/15
Mechanics [this includes form stipulations. punctuation too]: 12/15
Rules followed regarding challenge: 15/15
Creativity in regards to given prompt/challenge: 8/10
Fluency: 9/10
Diction/verbiage: 9/10
Syntax: 9/10
Title: 7/10
"X Factor" Extra Credit: 0/10
Total: 173
late penalty -5
Actual total: 168
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Rubric score: 175
Originality: 14/15
Creativity/Poetic device: 14/15
Line breaks/structure: 15/15
Cohesion/focus: 14/15
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 14/15
Emotion/Personality/Edge: 13/15
Overall opinion: 12/15
impact/reaction: 13/15
Mechanics [this includes form stipulations. punctuation too]: 12/15
Rules followed regarding challenge: 15/15
Creativity in regards to given prompt/challenge: 9/10
Fluency: 9/10
Diction/verbiage: 9/10
Syntax: 9/10
Title: 8/10
"X Factor" Extra Credit: 0/10
Late entry penalty: -5
Total: 175
Laura.
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Please use a more readable color next time. This was difficult to read.
Liz's Rubric
Originality: 14/15
Creativity/Poetic device: 13/15
Line breaks/structure: 15/15
Cohesion/focus: 12/15
Balance of abstraction/imagery: 15/15
Emotion/Personality/Edge: 13/15
Overall opinion: 13/15
impact/reaction: 13/15
Mechanics [this includes form stipulations. punctuation too]: 12/15
Rules followed regarding challenge: 15/15
Creativity in regards to given prompt/challenge: 9/10
Fluency: 9/10
Diction/verbiage: 9/10
Syntax: 9/10
Title: 10/10
Total: 181
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Oh, sorry, I guess I should have gone with white. Thank you for the grading scale, but what does 181 mean?
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There are a possible 200 points (not counting extra credit) so you received 181 out of 200. Tyler will add up all four of the judges' scores and the ones with the highest points will advance to the next round.
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Ah, understood. Alright, thank you
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Well, my friend, Im glad you nailed down that muse after all! I will reserve my comments for IM I hope you do better here than I did
- which Im sure you will 
Glad to see you writing~
K
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l'm glad to Thank you for the comment lol. I don't know about that, we will have to see.
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This contest will be closing soon. I hope you will have time to enter a poem in this round.
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I will be entering, my muse just came back
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