In the magic of summer evenings
day dissolved into her voice—
Marching night paused, listening,
in the music of her name
Gentle lips kissed scrapes
patching holes in my universe
with melodies sung
in final shreds of twilight cloud
Time stopped in those moments
while I balanced on her axis
the world seemed to stop spinning
suspended in her smile
Broken days dawned jagged;
my awkward bones grew heavier
She pushed me out the door
toward clocks that flew too fast
autumns flowed to pumpkin sunsets
frosty with the breath of change
she withered into frozen dusk
stiffened into memory;
winter stole her lullabies
and extinguished starry eyes
Yet songs swell gently in my belly
with every foot-kick in soft womb
I pray, in darkness, for the love
to someday stop the world
Author notes
Prompt: "She was the still point of the turning world, man" --The Virgin Suicides
A contest entry
- there's gonna be a knife fight in china town. by bird-mad girl.
1750 points, ended September 8, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest--critical reviews are welcome
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I thought this was a really interesting take on the prompt. I was expecting for that quote to recieve love poems but I thought this was really sweet. I think it's hard to write poems about mothers, whether they were horrible or beloved, it's not an easy subject. your piece was very warm and tender, as if a mother was writing it to her mother because she now understands.
the ending two ending stanzas were really breath-taking. and the last two lines, forgive me but I must quote them!
"I pray, in darkness, for the love
to someday stop the world"
it's so haunting. those words are left lingering in me.
thank you for entering.
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Well this is just unbelievably beautiful,
the forth stanza alone is a work of art...
It reminded me of the Beatles song....Shes Leaving Home...
I must say........ this is one of the best piece i have read here in a while...
such depth and truth....
just amazing lass,
Liam
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wow I don't know anything about re-writes but I do love it. Great imagery. Flows wonderfully and you write very well. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for placing this in our Friends readin glist.
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Ah, the memories, the moments to be treasured,
interrupted with the ravages of time.
The italic lines do indeed
shift the scene dramatically
to your apt conclusion.
Kudos!
M-C
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Thanks so much! I wrote this last night, and this morning I realized it didn't say exactly what I wanted it to, so I just edited it..... I'd love to know what you think of the changes. Thanks!
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Oh----the new connection--
her lullabies, the soft-kick in the womb--
yes, even better!
Noting the other change--the velvet blankets---
taken away---it was after the scrapes??
Reads so well---your last stanzas even better now!! -
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Thanks so much for revisiting.... The velvet blankets were in the same stanza as "while I balanced on her axis"--I liked them, but there was more that I wanted to say.
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Yes, like the stop spinning line that follows.
You do have such a gift of expression---such a natural flow!
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this is so sad
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well lets hope so because I impatiently am waiting to read what you thoughts and hand can bring to me.
clicked on expecting to see your wonderful works instead I get your wonderful thoughts oh well.
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Poem's up now, and in the reading list as well. Enjoy!
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At least you got a glimpse of a rational thought! Could've been worse....
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