One Pill

I thought it would be fun, a release, something to finally make me stop thinking for a bit. But I didn’t think about the consequences, I didn’t think that one tiny little pill could tear me away from my best friend and seclude me from those whom I was closest to. I just wanted to feel a little better and the alcohol wasn’t working anymore and neither were the anti-depressants, they just made me see how much of a fuck up I was. Everything that was going wrong in my life kept closing in on me ,I had no money, I had no safe place to go, I felt like no one truly loved me, and the people I considered to be like family would turn their backs on me in a second. Nothing ever seemed to get better, so for one night just one night I wanted to be free I wanted to feel like I could escape everything and be happy for awhile. But that was not what happened. Everything mixed I felt tired and scared and I wanted to go home but home wasn’t  safe. So I talked to someone one I assumed wouldn’t care and told them what I had done I didn’t know she would worry I didn’t think she would care. She tried to help me tried to make it better. But it only made me hate her because in seeing that she cared, even though we weren’t close even though my absence shouldn’t have made a difference in her life , it made realize that how stupid and selfish I was being by doing what I did. Her caring what happened to me made me hate myself even more so I took it out on her ,I never thanked her I never even said sorry and that’s something I will always  regret ...