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Break the Cycle

I will make it go away
Can't be here no more
I have fought in every way
That I know how

Now I see the times they change
I no longer have the choice not to go
Been bleeding too long
I refuse to live this way anymore

I ate your shit for years
Let you know all of my fears
I am done being used
These feelings will be gone

I once needed you to feel alive
You sucked the life right out of me
You ruined me long ago
But you will not ruin our child

Author notes

5 lines from "Alone I Break" by Korn
"I will make it go away"
"Can't be here no more"
"Now I see the times they change"
"Been bleeding too long"
"These feelings will be gone"

site www.geocities.com/shawnadf/aloneibreaklyrics.html


Written March 30th, 2004

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • dream5111
    April 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "I once needed you to feel alive
    You sucked the life right out of me
    You ruined me long ago
    But you will not ruin our child" is my favorite part good luck

  • allaplgs
    May 22, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you incorporated the Korn lyrics, I love Korn!

    I like corn too, haha!

    it was very good. I loved it. And seriously I never would have noticed that those lyrics were in there. I have a few poems with Nirvana lyrics in them, but i doubt many would notice.

    Bravo!


  • candy177
    April 25, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Wow - I never would have guessed there were lyrics in this! (You know I'm not a huge Korn fan lol) The flow is perfect...the lines fit so well into your words, I had guessed them as your own! Great job!


  • Guardian
    April 4, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Pretty cool...


  • Molassis
    April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Really good emotion here. You write very well. I could feel the words as I read them. It's a very sad piece. I also want to thank you for commenting on my poem. The man was dear to my heart and really taught me alot. I haven't known very many men that were good men, he was one of the few. I'll miss him terribly. Once again, I liked your poem. It's hard to really get emotion out into words and you did well with this! ~Melissa


  • FlawedDestiny
    April 2, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    And if I may say-HELL YEAH. I love the last line of this peice. I've said the same thing to someone about my boy. Great job on this obvious why you won a trophy, it's great. I like the idea of working lines from songs into a poem. I've done that once or twice.
    -MISTY-


  • Hearta
    April 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Well.. You know this hit me hard.... Beautiful write and nice blend with music and emotions... It's amazing how our children can bring us such power and weaknesses all at the same time.. *sigh* well done.


  • Blushfulmoon silver member
    April 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I like this
    I like korn and you don't have to take crap off no one in order to bring an innocent child in the world to be a pawn
    Excellent hun
    I love this one
    Good luck in the contest
    I posted a shortie tonight if you want to mosey over
    Just talked to my friend in lively Shively tonight lol
    Hugs
    Susan~~~


  • Icemancm
    March 31, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Empowering!

    Awesome job. I really enjoyed this poem, and your skill shows... taking lines from a song and incorporating it; and yet it really shines through as if it were completely original - (not to say that it isn't original, because it is) but what I'm trying to say is that it totally flows and evokes powerful emotions from the reader. Kudos!

  • J Macabre
    March 31, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I really like this one. Damn right. Standing up and taking charge for the good of the child. Dont let anything not even his booze ridden ass hurt that kid. Good job.



    -J.


  • Feanorian
    March 31, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    whoa this poem is totally awesome. hey ive heard that song before. its a supercool song man. anyway plenty of emotion and its like i dont know im speechless i have no ides what to say. nothign to critque. it was liek perfect. ok anyways... i liek your poetry and style of writing so i have decided to recruit you to my contest. *claps* i would also applause this poem but i dont have any *tear* but anyways...great write.
    Love always,
    Anya~~

  • RoughRider
    March 31, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    WOW very powerful and loved the emotion in it, great write!!!
    This could actually work as a song, thanks for sharing and keep them great writes coming!!!


  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    March 31, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much, and I hope you enjoy the song

  • FallenSolitude
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you so much for entering my contest and for following the rules, it enabled me to give you an award, which you definitley earned. this was fabulously written. and i makes me want to listen to the song! lol.. which, really, was the whole point to my contest, to introduce me to some other types of music/songs. Congrats, and great job

    xx Jess


  • My Darkness
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i actually like this...aside from being a Korn song, i think i'd like it.. anyway, great job with this piece and good luck in the contest...i'm sure you'll win something...

    take care

    -Stacy-


  • SJ.Stevens
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i like it. im not into korn, but i felt the emotion. it really feels like you mean it. good write and goos luck in the contest.


  • Cemetery Rose
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I can feel your passion in this one. (you tell 'em!) I think you did a good job with incorporating the song with your own words in this poem. It flows really well. (how did i know you were gonna pick a korn song? hhmmmmm... lol ) Anyway great job and good luck!
    Peace and love
    Susan


  • Talia
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I did this kind once, was for a contest too had to p ick between two bands/singers I chose tracy chapman I found it quite interesting.

    You've done a great one here shows alot of power and stregnth

    Good luck

    Natalia

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