Winds sigh vehements of displeasure,
abating candles of grief mournfully.
The light that once wandered from the sun to the moon,
now wanes into darkness deplorably.
Barefoot through the balding snow,
where wintry darkness veils over the trees and the grass,
and nothingness stretches through miles of cold,
as I long for an end to this Baltic wasteland.
All the tragedies from the far sides of the world,
in God's forsaken land, where pain and death
took life, and clutched it
with an icy hand.
And as the Shofar horn sounded through the silhouette,
Revelating the heavens and it's existence,
I looked up in my plight, to the skies torn asunder,
to see burnt, barren fields and I laughed.
A contest entry
- Darker than a Silhouette by VoltaicHypnosis.
500 points, ended September 3, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1: Enter Anything you want! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
400 points, ended October 23, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Seasonal colours by cazzy71.
400 points, ended October 28, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? Do you get the theme?
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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good
good write, I enjoyed reading it. Thanks and good luck in the contest! -
dark
yet pretty
well done poet
like this stanza...
Winds sigh vehements of displeasure,
abating candles of grief mournfully.
The light that once wandered from the sun to the moon,
now wanes into darkness deplorably.
good luck to you in the contest
thanks for the share
Darky -
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thanks.
im glad that you found a sort of serene elegance to the darkness I portrayed.
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yes,glad you entered it
This was worthy of Gold,very good,some seldom used words grace this superb piece.What exactly is a SHOFAR HORN? I may be being rather foolish in asking,but I am not familiar with the term.Like the words,vehements,asunder and and deplorably,they are the ones which are rarely used any more. This is a superb work of poetic mastery. 100/100,tremendous structure of words,woven together to make a fantastic poem. -
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Oh my dear :)
there is nothing foolish about the absence of knowledge. A shofar horn , is the horn of a ram that is said to be blown like a horn by the angel gabriel ( so says the bible, in its legible text , although re written beyond the amount of times to be considered accurate word for word) and as the angel blows that horn 100 times it announces the opening of the gates of heaven , and gods second coming, when the heavens opened the narrator saw that heaven was just as barren a place as the earth had become. thanks for the beautifully kind words.
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thank you
Thank you for replying and answering my question. Many thanks to you.
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Wow. You weren't kidding about the intensity ha
This is a great read. The pictures were all but burned into my mind, and the wording was genius.
i love the last stanza-->the laughing added such darkness. Truly wonderful concept
And the lines "All the tragedies from the far sides of the world,
in God's forsaken land, where pain and death
took life, and clutched it
with an icy hand." asdfdsadfsa I just love it haha
Keep it up; you're an inspiration
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Glad you liked it.
Yeah, when it comes to a powerful thematic expression of words Ive got it. I just spend extra time on my diction to make it truly epic. Its a waste of a good idea to not word it as best you can.
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outstanding
Tis deep and reflective
excellent write you have penned
love the first stanza
well done poet
thanks for the share
DArky
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glad you liked it. I enjoyed writing this one a lot. Hope I do well in your contest.
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i see why this won Gold. very wonderful write it was so powerful and i liked the way you penned each line. you should write more definitely.
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Thanks, I plan to write a lot more, ive been writing a lot more lately, its been nice I love it.
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Picturesque
I could feel myself in a desolate barren cold wishing to die of it to find God showing me the overwhelming beauty that heaven posesses for a brief second then sending me to Hell, the humor He must have. That was powerful stuff right there. I don't know if that was what you were going for, but that is what I saw.
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That is VERY CLOSE to what i was goin for, super close, Actually he looked up in his plight to the skies torn assunder to see burnt barren fields and he laughed. The skies were burnt and barren, meaning heaven, so he saw that heaven was just as bad a place as earth, and the earth had become "hell " on earth, so every where was hell haha. AKA HE WAS FUCKED, but you got the powerful meaning and tone none the less, and to each interperetation his own. Either way I am so glad you took the time to read my poem , and im so glad you enjoyed it Ive been able to write a whole lot more lately, its been nice.
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i like it very much
this is a very awsome and creative ppoem it made me think.... -
wow
...to every light there is a dark side... i like the way you think....i like the way you write it's so amazingly creative...by the way wud u like 2 check out my poems...
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I will definately have a gander at your flock of poetry Im glad you enjoyed my poem
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You had some really awsome imaganary flowing in this piece. I enjoyed reading this. It was good. You are going too Round 2. So keep up the good work. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in Round 2.
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Thanks, im so glad you liked it,
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"Balding snow" I really like that combination of words. ^-^
But actually, I do like the other poem of your's that I read.
Really nice imagery!
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Thanks, yeah, i love the imagery in this poem. I like my other poems a lot too, but this is my fav and seems to be other peoples favorite too. what kind of music you listen to. check out the song " so frail" by mirrorthrone
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Amazing
brilliant..
you got talent my friend
a great piece of Dark Art
10/10 -
Brilliant!
Wow! you have such an intense imagination.
I can see you must have watched alot of scifi
and other obscure movies that seduced your
mind. It's refreshing to see someone as young
as you with this kind of talent. Great work
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hahahah WOW you nailed it , i love scifi, but most of my writing influences came from poets, however i have this one interesting writing technique i picked up from a friend. Get a light buzz going, put in your ipod play it on shuffle w/ a type of mood set song list you want the write to be about, and watch a movie or show w/ the same mood set while listening to the music w/ tv on mute. Thats what i did to get a lot of my writing ideas, but this one i just sat down and wrote what i though. thanks for the pleasant comment.
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This was a wonderfully penned poem
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glad you liked it, sorry for the spam in the chat room I JUST GET BORED HAHA
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Woah!
This really blew my mind. Excellent use of the biblical references.
Very deep and dark, it really makes me think.
Good luck in the contest.
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Im glad it made you think, that was my intention, to make readers think about the religioun that is around them. and im glad you got the allusions thanks.
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Wonderful imagery. The darkness is smooth and vivid making this piece a delightful read. I loved the last line because it portrayed a deeper wickedness (or that's how I see it). Best of luck in the contest.
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Yep , you got it, the last line was meant to overcome the reader w/ despair, and really feel what the character was thinking. I intended this poem to make readers think , and i think i did that part well, this poems a thinker
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IM soooo glad you loved my poem, i just sat down one day and conveyed my thought , emotions and oppinions through a character in a poem one day and WA LA, this happened its my favorite piece ive ever written. the biblical allusions are the most important as well, im glad you felt the intensity that i had intended
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Wow.
I LOVE THIS PIECE!!
It's ... brillliant... the mood is intense and well conveyed, and you've taken an approach to freeverse that I delight in both reading and indulging in myself... I'm very happy with this piece. Excellent description. -
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thanks so much for the gold, its my best piece of poetry.
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