one year

i've had to remember things no one should have to remember
like picking up your shirt again
after all that time
after all those months
broken down into painful weeks
and even more painful days
excruciating hours
minutes
seconds
without you--

it was tucked into a corner at
the bottom of my dresser
of my drawer

i forgot it, i suppose, with time and
some new faces and
new clothes belonging to
new boy-of-the-weeks

i was searching for something else

and when i found it time
just stopped all around me

it still smelt of you:
your pretentious body wash, the cologne that made me
weak at my knees, vague notes of your sweat

i just stood there holding it in my hands
wrapped in a dream, a vision, a memory, some melody of you i
had forgotten
like a song i hadn't heard in years
but could still remember every line to
(written on my thoughts)

i remembered it was the shirt you wore the night we met
it was a tuesday
you were a new thing
and i played a captivating bitch, you stared me down
a bleach-blonde rapunzel locked
within a tower of arrogance,
poetry, an old flame's wiry arms and
heavy metal pulses

i remembered it was the shirt you wore
the night i got naked and spread myself out on
a blanket under the stars
surrounded by tall grass on your farm
i arranged my limbs like flower stems and
gave myself to you
you leaned down and kissed me
until i stopped breathing

i remembered it was the first thing i asked from you
i wanted to keep it
because it was the one thing i could
relate you to
without thinking of anyone else, especially her
and because i could drown in it

and lastly i remembered
tucking it away
the day you broke my heart in a span of
thirty seven seconds
according to my phone

oh, i've had to remember everything now
for a year
and i think i'm ready
to lock it all up for good.