gravitation
animal magnetism
she was an ounce of smooth dark rum in crystal stemware
with eyes as gentle and inviting as twighlight
...and was so kind to me
her best friend
hair as lush and bright as a black silk tapestry in an Imperial tea-room
always smiling
never engaging
gravitation can make the apple fall to earth
but more often
creates orbits
parallel worlds and their moons
circling in whirlpools
that never meet
gravel
what gravel in my bosom
in the place of a heart
made me ignore her?
obviously infatuated
but kept at arms length
grass
what dry wind blowing through the rattling grasses of my mind
in the place of thought
would make me buzz like a bee around the other?
looking for space where light might shine between her
and my best friend
Author notes
For the "Ultimate Cricket Round 3" by B. Chandler:
The challenge was to write a "Confessional" poem using the theme "Gravitation" based on a rather zen photo of gravel and grass.Photographer's World - Photography Gallery 3
Confessional poetry is not my forté:Confession by DogFish at All poetry
photograph by Hannan Saleh: “Visionary” Beauty | Fashion | Women In Photography International
In a list
A contest entry
- Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1093 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Prewrites. ♥ by GraveyardGoddess.
400 points, ends November 27, 419 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I really enjoyed this.Words of woven silk.You work the loom well, Ros
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Thank 'ee, M'am!
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I don't know how I missed this one of yours earlier. Has it been extensively edited since first posted? Anyway, I really like the way it has ended up, and the picture you have attached makes even more vivid your spectacular metaphors: 'an ounce of smooth dark rum in crystal stemware', and 'a black silk tapestry in an Imperial tea-room'. You have made clever use of the gravel and grass in the contest photo prompt.
I have a vague recollection (it's getting to be a long time ago!) that the Round 3 requirement was for three paragraphs of prose, not three stanzas of free verse, but I also recollect an announcement that no one is to be eliminated in Round 3, which makes that requirement a 'brutum fulmen'. It would be a great pity to rearrange your beautiful and interesting poem into prose.
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Yes, the requirement was for three paragraphs of prose kind of was beyond my reach ( at least to write something that would be at least half interesting!), this was as closest I could come. Which only impressed me all the more when I read the other entries...if there were any eliminations I would have been in the dust for sure!
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Hey I really enjoyed this. You painted so well a mesmerization... the pull...and I love some of the descriptions. The repetition of "gra" words was really interesting, and although they were completley different, seemingly unrelated words, you used them so effectively to create nuances of discovery. You sort of kicked it up a notch or two about half way down, although i enjoyed the light description of the first as well. Good luck with this one!
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This was different to most of your writes so far. I'm not sure you were totally engaged with the poem until the fourth stanza/line. That's where your poem started, for me.
I love 'parallel worlds and their moons
circling in whirlpools
that never meet'
and the imagery of gravel and grass as heart and mind.
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The idea of "confessional" poetry draws a bit of a blank with me...this is for the "Cricket Challenge" that you bowed out of earlier this summer. I must say that those who remain in the challege have all hit the wicket with thier pitches: I was quite amazed by some of the entries!
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great piece
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