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"I Miss U."

Flood gates open up 4 me
when I c that green light flashing

that notifies me that U've txted.
Cell phone of lov.

All asunder
my heart flutters
frm abrevated symbols
of kisses & hugs
always followed by
"I miss U."

I txt U all my

hopes & dreams & sexy enuendos
in a 160 characters or less.
I wait w/bated breath
4 Ur next responce.

What a beautiful bittersweet
feeling it is waiting 4 U 2 txt me back.
I hang on2 each word
I die alittle bit w/all
heaven's angel's tears falling
down upon me
each time U txt me,

"I Miss U."

Audrey Evans
8/14/2009

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    August 22

    Edit | Reply
    aw, this just does not but it for me...it shows immaturity in the use of English language to take such shortcuts in spelling. I am sorry. It is a telling not a showing...poetry, to be really great must show not tell! Ty though, for entering.


    • AudreyEvans
      August 23
      Edit | Reply
      I wasn't going to respond to your comments a bout my poem for the simple reason that you didn't get what I wrote and why it was written the way it was. All poetery is visual on some level. My work here plays with that fact two fold. If you own a cell phone and have texting features you probably understand the context of this poem more.

      My command of the English language is superior to yours by the mear example of your incoherent comments on my poem. Woof! That first sentence come on. If your going to be a contest host and judge make sure whatever your going to write as comments/advice and so on is at least clear. I suggest in the future please have someone else write for you so that your crippled command of the written English language won't be so glairing...

      Anyway now that I have wasted my time with you and could of been doing something more worth my while, like picking my nose, I hope this helps you pull your head out of your ass.

      Much Love.
      Audrey Evans

      • CarolDesjarlais silver member
        August 24
        Edit | Reply
        Most who know me, know that a stroke left me with some typing and peripheral problems, (you ought to see the wonderful typos I can make when the left hand refuses to follow its designated order.) Yes, that first sentence lost it, did it not?

        Let me rephrase:

        Aw, this just does not do it for me. To me, it shows an immaturity in the use of English language to take such shortcuts in spelling. I come to this conclusion because I have been a teacher at all levels, including College and University levels prior to, heretofore mentioned, health issues that forced me to retire early.

        You know, now, Audrey, that I do not enjoy this 'texty' type short-cut language. And, since it was my contest, I had the right to either like it or not. I could have said nothing and let you think I liked it. I could have lied and said it was 'awesome' and you would have gone on thinking that I liked it.

        Your further messages about this poem has been almost harassment and I am asking you, publicly, to cease and desist with the derogatory personal attacks. I was speaking to 'this' poem in 'this' contest.

        Any further comments can be sent through a moderator, if you do not mind.

        We have each had our silly little say!

  • Depth gold member
    August 16
    Edit | Reply
    Oddly enough, I really like this. I like that it's modern and identifies with a lot of how we communicate now. Nice entry. Thanks.