A phone call as I walk out of work,
As soon as I registered what he had said;
I was ready to go berserk,
dad was gone; he was dead!
Craig knew instantly something was wrong
I held back the tear, numbed myself
Couldn’t shatter like glass; I had to be strong
For mum…..But she wanted to see emotion
The anger had me at full power
I seemed somewhat different
I remember their ghastly pale faces
Some crying, some being centre of attention
Some stood in frozen places.
Craig left us alone to be
I didn’t want him to leave
But I knew it was time for family
Dad I read out a long poem at your funeral
I saw the bitterness from the other side of the family
The arguments and fussed that was caused
The blame and guilt that was placed upon mum
I held her up throughout it all
She leaned on me whilst she went bankrupt
Lost everything because of your gambling
Life had become harsh, sinister and abrupt
You had got to suicide before me!
How I was s fucking angry!
Something inside me snapped
I saw the aftermath of your death
A coward’s way out dad
but I know you couldn’t hack any more.
All of this to me …..
{ was a wake up call }
Author notes
612 wake up call
In a list
A contest entry
- ♥1000 Titles (Rhyme only)♥ by Ami.
700 points, ended August 28, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1065 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
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Comments
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This poem works...
Listen to moaner...
She talks sense, you know!
You had got to suicide before me!
How I was s fucking angry!
Something inside me snapped
You can be angry, methinks, without shagging anything...try to use less profanity, sometimes it takes away the emphasis from what you're saying.
The first line, althoughw e know what you're saying, it doesn't make sense. And I hope you don't feel that way anymore. -
fantastic babe. real anger, yet a subtle underlying note of understanding from you.
only thing to be honest you could change is this stanza
Some stood in frozen places.
Craig left us alone to be
I didn’t want him to leave
But I knew it was time for family
don't make it rhyme, it sounds forced and not needed in this grown up poem. just change the craig line so the last line won't rhyme, and then i think you hav another winner piece to make everyone cry. wuv u xxxxx
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It is a difficult thing to lose a life even if it was an angry one or one that caused much hurt when in the end something within goes along with them even if they were nothing more than a pain in the rear.
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This was really good.. Sorry about your dad. but this write was amazing
Personal writes always are the best there's more emotion in them
great write Thank you so much for entering my contest and good luck
-♥Amy♥
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