Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Last words pt 1

One day I awoke to find my heart was missing.
My dog was barking and my cat was hissing.
It seemed they could tell something was wrong.
So I sat at my desk and started writing a song.

It was way too complicated for me to explain.
After multiple proofreads, I'd surely gone insane.
Yet, I kept writing, trying to make it look right.
But the lack of blood had made me lose my sight.

With my vision gone, and my imagination fading.
I just wrote everything my brain had been stating.
It was quite clear that this would be my last story.
And as my hearing died, I began typing with fury.

I refused to let death ruin my last attempt at fame.
For the words of the dead still remained in the game.
A strange numbness seized me, hoping that I'd fail.
Yet I simply bit my tongue, making sure I could still feel.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • kerrypn
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    I like the ideas you have poured into this-I like the slightly broken rhyme pattern which almost reflects the departure of your heart-like something isn't quite right. Nicely written