Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

A Night of Vitality

 

It is a night of dark desire, a song of sorrow.
Wolves vent their howls,

Sacred silence piercing the night.

The immortal one awakens.
Mist shrouds her deathly form,
Her midnight hair cascades over
translucent ivory shoulders,

And her full scarlet lips part slightly,

To taste the life streaming from

the pale flesh beneath her.
Now a night of vitality, I smile vaguely.

 

What are your thoughts on my poem? Did it inspire you?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    August 15

    Edit | Reply

    Welcome to Allpoetry

    "translucent ivory shoulders..."

    What a gorgeous mental-image! I would, however, pay attention to the uses of 'adjective-noun' you've got going on; "sacred silence", "midnight hair", etc... I used to do it too, and it can be a bit much for the reader. I suggest spacing out your descriptives, leaving a little more to imagination.

    Well done, and keep writing!

    Laura
    Site Greeter