like rivers meeting
at a point
our waters tangle
and under the thickening
glow of afternoon
our love is ripe.
I breathe your heartbeat
and it skips like a stone
across my lungs,
you lift my face
and i feel the world
through you.
drink me
and become tender
with heartsong-
we will wander
seaward,
twining the pale braid
of mingling thought.
Author notes
u n r a v e l e d
picture: http://scarabuss.deviantart.com/art/xx-02-119692527
for him
A contest entry
- two. the colors of our lives. by cirque du soleil.
550 points, ended September 10, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - favorites only! prewrites i haven't commented on. by sideways hourglass.
650 points, ended August 20, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I breathe your heartbeat
and it skips like a stone
across my lungs,
You my dear have talent
-
drink me
and become tender
with heartsong-
we will wander
seaward,
Oh that line really spoke to me. Well done on a surperb write!
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"I breathe your heartbeat
and it skips like a stone
across my lungs,"
-i love that.
no critique here. this is beautiful.
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I WUV YOU!
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First I would like to state I am returning the favor for you comment on my poem. I may not be able to do so very quickly but anytime you need an honest and critical comment, do not hesitate to send me a link.
This is a very soft focused and yet deeply empowering poem on love. I must say he is very lucky to have a poet for someone who loves him as poets might be the most sensuous lovers. It shows not only a gentle side of you but perhaps the strength, the walls and all have been shied aside for his eyes.
Very lovely.
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Hi seventeen
Hello California girl! What an afternoon delight that would be. I really hope whoever wins your affection is worthy of you. So much tragedy out there from hasty love affairs. You communicate so very well. Imagine how great you will be 40 year s from now if you keep practicing the art of self expression.
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Wow thi is beautiful/ I love your metaphors of the river. The structure of your poem was excellent to and added interest. This is a lovely romantic write. The only thing is maybe you you should use a synonym for thick in the last line of the second stanza. Other than that an excellent poem. Thank you for the enjoyable read!
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this is beautiful, cassidy. the only thing i didn't like was the repetition of 'thickening' and 'thick' in the second stanza. still, lush.
-christie
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thanks, it was late and i didn't notice it xD
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wonderful...
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