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it doesnt hurt enough to make me feel

you caught me sitting on his floor with the circular white candies of death in my hands and sipping on the crystal clear liquid that brings the white fuzziness back to my vision. i think you were screaming, but maybe that was me. i couldn't hear anything because the sound of his voice wouldn't stop echoing in my head.

i shot some morphine in my hand to see if what i'm feeling really is numbness. then i shot it into my heart. i wanted to shoot it into your heart so you could know how i fucking feel.

sometimes i feel like i'd do anything to feel that so unfamiliar adrenaline rush.
bottlespillsalcoholsexdrugscigarettesviolence
somebody make me feel. make me a real person.

there were times when i'd just take that silver piece of metal and slash.slash.slash.
but you took that away too. you took away the only thing that made me feel. i thought it'd be enough when you took my heart, but i guess not. maybe you only needed something to rip it apart with.

but god, i can't help but think back to times when i'd wish upon shooting stars instead of crashing on them. when i'd reach for the sky instead of having it fall upon me. when i actually wanted to live, because now, all i want is just
to
fucking
feel.

Author notes

L e F i l l e M o r t e

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • MoonlitRoses
    August 24
    Edit | Reply
    This.Is.Freaking.Amazing.
    iloveit!!!


  • of insincerity
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    "i think you were screaming, but maybe that was me. i couldn't hear anything because the sound of his voice wouldn't stop echoing in my head." -those two lines are INCREDIBLE.

    "i decided to shot it into your heart, because now you know how i fucking feel." -shoot instead of shot, but i would suggest rewording it, it seems awkward the way it is. maybe try, "i wanted to shoot it into your heart so you could know how i fucking feel."

    the part about the blue jay is very out of place. i don't really have a suggestion for it other than just taking it out- or leave it, obviously, as it's your poem. it just kind of takes away from it.

    "sometimes i feel like i'd do anything to feel that so unfamiliar adrenaline rush.
    bottlespillsalcoholsexdrugscigarettesviolence
    somebody make me feel. make me a real person." - i love this.

    however, "adrenaline rush" seems to be quite overused.
    the part about the "blankie" takes away from the poem.

    "all i want is just
    to
    fucking
    feel. " -another incredible line. that made me stop and gasp. i love love love it.


    hope i didn't step on your toes or anything, if you don't want comments like this, please tell me and i won't do it again. i just wanted to help out.