Gone

You think I left you,
but don't you realize
that you left me?

I was willing to forgive and forget,
but you just kept pushing me...
You just kept making that first crack a little deeper.

You say I stabbed you in the back
that I ditched you..

But don't you realize that you had already "ditched" me?
That you had already started that first crack,
a long time before this STUPID fight ever started?

Don't you realize that your little sister told me you don't care?
That you didn't care if I died?
That I was  worthless ?

I remember you once said you'd never leave me,
but I should've realized what that actually meant..
That you wouldn't leave as long as you thought you needed me.

She said you thought I was worthless ,
didn't you realize how fragile I was?
How fragile I am?
But,
maybe you didn't care...

Maybe you WANT to see me fall,
see me get shattered.
Maybe you never really cared.

Did you know I cried last night?
I cried for the first time in over a month.
You never knew that I cried myself to sleep every night...
Every night for over a year.
Did you notice me slipping?
Did you see the pain behind that stupid smile I tried to put on?

You didn't seem to care,
you didn't act like you noticed a single thing.

Now there's a hole in my heart,
and I don't know how to fix it this time.
Usually I'd go to you.

But you stopped paying attention a long time ago,
I stopped trusting you a long.time.ago.

You never noticed how I'd be wishing to die,
wishing to just go to heaven that instant.
Wanting to have some horrific incident happen,
so that I wouldn't have to die by my own hand.

But it none of that matters now,
theres a hole that can't be filled,
a space thats left empty,
but that's nothing from normal.

I'll be fine,
or atleast that's what I'll tell you if you even care enough to ask.
I don't think you care anymore,
I don't think you ever did.
I don't think you ever will...

I'm shattered now,
I don't think I'll ever find anyone to glue the pieces back together.
I don't think that anyone will bother trying.
That anyone will even notice.

I guess I just need to put my head up,
and pretend everythings fine.
Pretend that I don't hae anymore pain...
Pretend that someone might care about my life,
because I know I don't anymore.

I guess I'm just too far
gone...x


♥