Purpose

feel like i lack a purpose
what am i doing standing here
looking up for guidance
I've always declined

I dont deserve the very life i live
yet take advantage of every breath

how can i look to you
only when im in need
i dont deserve any of it
you're mercry is my greed

what am i doing with life?
I am only running in circles
as everyone one around me
watches from a distance getting dizzy
caught up in my mistakes

I make careless choices
and i never think
never second thought
in my mind, all these indepedant voices

Is anyone out there?
Watching everything I've done?
someone who can see past everything
when i come undone?

someone who might think i have a purpose?
a reason I was given life?
or was I just a mistake or some kind of joke
no one meant to make?

sometimes I just want reassurance
though none of it i deserve
is someone right now judging me
taking notes of what they observe?

I gave up too long ago
and I've long gone lost the path I tried to start
I've given up my body in sacrifice
and somewhere lost my heart

I dont know what went so wrong
and how did i let it all ruin everything
for far too long?

I can't say I give up
I gave up much too long ago
maybe i can only look up
from here, down below

but I feel like i have no where to start
no pride to change
and no faith i wont fall apart

where do i leave off where I was?
i've blocked out all the pain
so much forotten, not sure who i am
or if im sane

I feel like a small child locked inside
too grown up now to restart childhood
all the pieces of that girl that have died

some days last forever
and all i think about is death and dying
hide behind a smile so no one knows,
not aware my wounds are crying

some days i can't leave the bed
hoping they'll just leave me there
until im finally dead

popping pills morning and night
controlling my life, and i put up no fight

Walking through life like a marionette
more and more every day i drown in all i forget

looking in a mirror
no energy to stop eating or peuk
diets are time consuming
so i cover the mirrors, fuming, of the reflection i see

too many things i hate
hard to live inside this body i take pleasure in tearing apart
how can i be damaged goods, and make a new start?



~Madison~