she
painted with fingertips
and in the spring
you could almost hear colour
spiralling through her hair
and behind her eyes
behind her delicate eyes
that seemed too regal
to be sculptured by nature
and more like jewels
of an Egyptian Queen
she could even
pinch a breath in mid air
(if she wanted to)
and place pieces
of it around a small sun
though if she did,
she’d name it after her mother
and herself –
Violet
Author notes
prompt: http://www.flowers-cs.com/violet.html - violet
I used the image and word "violet" as a name and colour.
Why Cleopatra? Purple was her favourite colour, and like the subject of this piece was named after her mother, and all mothers to as far back as her great great great grandmother, in case you'd like to know.
In a list
A contest entry
- Click 44. by perfectsunset.
625 points, ended August 29, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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excellent
One of my first reads of yours................
Beautiful imagery expressed in this poem
Just love it............
Best of luck in the contest..........I entered this one too
Hope you come give mine a read
Hugs
Susan~~~
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Wow; your words here have left me
breathless. Very beautiful and strong
vernacular throughout, as well as
a plethora of imagery for the mind
to consume. You create such vivid
scenery here and depth.. I also
love how you've incorporated such
meaning to this piece too, especially
with the ending.
This was amazing.
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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Beautiful
Very interesting and unique. I loved how descriptive you were. :-) Really nice, keep on writing.
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well done
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a purple poem
yes a purple of a poem.....This was beautiful....teh form..a unique one made for terrific reading...use of simily tech was excitingly refreshing.Thanks for sharing.A very heartening read dear.These lines stood out:
she could even
pinch a breath in mid air
(if she wanted to)
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WOW. You really know how to capture the readers mind in what kind of woman she was. I absolutely love this poem! you have an amazing gift
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Where did you get the gift of such tangible almost palpable imagination ! An incredible read please write more of such lovely poetry .
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loved it's texture and beauty.
Was truly a fragrant poem to breathe in and enjoy!
I think my favorite verse was:
she
painted with fingertips
and in the spring
you could almost hear colour
spiralling through her hair
and behind her eyes
so lovely and delicate it was!
way to write!
exquisite poem!
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the change you made in the begining is 'better", it's actually one of my favorite lines, I love your metaphors and imagery and your overall style, seriously this is very well done, great job poet
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Wonderful
Love this piece. You made the right decision ... ' She painted with fingertips'
A great opening line that sets the pace in this minimalist piece.
Wonderful
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I liked the original poem a lot (as mentioned in my earlier comment) but with all the soft imagery in the poem, the one line that seemed overly blunt was the first line. I like the change and think it makes an already really good piece even better.
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Oh wow, this is lovely. I love it! I haven't read anything like this, :]. "she could even
pinch a breath in mid air
(if she wanted to)" Love those lines. Great write.
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and in the spring
you could almost hear colour
spiralling through her hair
and behind her eyes
behind her delicate eyes
this is beautiful! i love the wording, i love the poem. a great write and a better read!!
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"behind her delicate eyes
that seemed too regal
to be sculptured by nature"
A wonderful statement. I love this poem, it is so beautifully written and a lot of time was obviously spent on this to make it so good. well done a beautiful piece.
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Eddy (Just4U) sent me the link for this one, saying he thought I'd like it. I do. I especially liked your second stanza. Purple is also the color of royalty, which is why Cleopatra liked it so well. Good luck in the contest. 
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Yep that's true, exactly why I chose to go down that root when I saw the prompt. Thanks.
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In my opinion, I think the opening line was good but quite weak. The rest of the lines were simply splendid.
Other than that, this is a lovely piece and the hyperbole was a beautiful touch which complements the ending very well
Wonderful piece, all in all; it was a pleasure to read
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Ok I've had a think and changed it. I've left an explination in the AN. Thanks so very much for the nudge.
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Read it again; the write was originally lovely and with the revision(I never knew you would take what I've pointed out seriously), much lovelier
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This flowed effortlessly, painting a lovely scene as it went..
Eddy
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i see the effort,Nice Scribe of beauty.
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This is so pretty; the words are beautiful and flowing and still tell a wonderful story. Incredible write.
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This is one of my favorite writes of yours (and since I have been here I'm sure I've read a couple dozen of your poems and liked almost all of them.) The imagery is strong and very vivid, and the poem is a very enjoyable read. Best of luck in the contest with ti
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'she could even , pinch a breath in mid air, (if she wanted to)' - where'd you even get that from??
the poem feels like the birth of a God - plucked and shaped and let out to play.
Again, a strong write
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