Curse be upon the winter's frost
Love's garden lies to rot in cold
Summer's glory has long been lost
This fabled passion has grown old
Passing days hardly stop to sigh
Or reminisce its past embrace
Rainbow beholds a smile gone wry
Mistaking it for gentle grace
Icy chills burn tears in its eyes
Creeping into the muffled screams
The earth's gone hollow in its cries
From jaded fears of dreamless dreams
Trespassers tread on virgin beds
With blackened feet on blackened flowers
And somewhere in the deepest reds
Creeps in the blue of painful hours
No saviour for fool's paradise
Has come this way and stayed a while
And yet it waits for one sunrise
To bear it through the winter's guile
A contest entry
- I want depressing love poetry! by xxvampyregirlxx.
1000 points, ends December 12, 150 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
I've treid to put this in syllable meter...but i feel it's detracting from the flow. Do let me know which you feel is more important
Comments
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good stuff
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I think you have here the basis of a superb poem, I have sent you an IM with some minor observations, answering your question, flow is always everything, BUT the best flow comes when you get the meter and the syllable counting right, most of your poem here has beautiful meter and the rest is merely good.
The content is top draw, excellent work
Jeff
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