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Dismantled.

There are so many things about you I could write,
writing, scribbling I'll be here all night.
You came into my life so suddenly,
I was surprised you didn't think I was ugly,
I used to go un-noticed,
you didn't even seem to know this.
I knew I had feelings from the start,
but never thought you would break me apart.
My brain and my heart are no longer together,
my thoughts and feelings are very much severed.
You have so many flaws,
but you've got a handle on me it's like there's no more walls.
I'm crying out for help, for an answer to this feeling,
but no one hears me.
I'm Screaming I LOVE YOU, some one please save me!
As I keep falling the pain gets worse,
someday I'm going to crash head first.

A contest entry

What did you think? be honest. I just started writing, so keep that in mind.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Shadow Anonymised gold member
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    thanks for the amazing entry. i really like the length youve used in this piece, it is just long enough, but i'm not so keen on the lack of imagery and the use of "thee" - perhaps do you mean someone save me?

    thanks again and good luck.


  • Palas Kumar Ray
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    This is a nice poem. Very poignant and touchy but I am not confused how may I relate this poem to the prompt of my contest"Time".Thanks for entering and best of luck.


  • Dryad Enya
    August 14

    Edit | Reply
    there is no end to the pit you fall in my friend, it goes on for eternity and the only way out is to face the fact, to admit your weaker and that you need the company that you'll never get. Revenge is sweet i hear they say, try it one day you mind find yourself in jail or with the girl you love.

    I'll be here all night to judge and mark the contest i stated half an hour ago and has over 80entires already and your not making my work easy are you!

    Best of luck keep up the work,
    Gorecki


  • individuality gold member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    a good poem, ah love, as great as it is when it is flowing with all the rosy emotions that lift us to new heights it is also a dark and twisted shape that collects our madness and rips it to shreds as our hearts ache and burn.

1 - 6 of 6