The destination

I was awake again, in the early hours of day before the dawn made its presence known. Tumultuous thoughts raced through my mind and clasped my lungs. Where was he tonight? It took a while, but I realized what would let me rest. 

I made up my mind that in the morning I would do what needed to be done.

My eyes traveled over to where the envelope was hidden. It was tucked under the top drawer of my bureau, beckoning me to be brave enough to send it out. To send out into the world the words I had held on to so long that they almost seemed a part of me. It seemed so strange, that those simple symbols written so neatly across the paper were the balance upon which my heart rested.

Spilled upon that beloved and accursed sheet of paper were the contents of my soul, my yearning. Everything I had ever wished to tell him and instead bitterly swallowed had been dug out and laid bare in the fewest words I could come up with, which ended up being exactly 428. Not that I counted, really. God, I must sound so pathetic. Let me attempt to explain myself for this temporary lapse in sanity.

His name was Jackson Ritter. Just that name brings a smile to my face these days. Ever since the first time we met I had always associated that name with a warm smile and a gentle spirit. Never could you call him a boy, he was a man, through and through. Some things just cannot be explained through words, but through feelings and experiences.

So I'll use what I can to best describe things between us. The night sky and Cassiopeia. The beauty of a forest and all the life it holds within it. The scent of bonfire. The need to define things with words. The way it feels to fall backwards. The face of God.

All that and more had been stirring within me since the day he had left. There was only one thing I was certain of, I never wanted to let him go. I had been told once that life was a journey. To me, he was the destination.

So, with trembling fingers, I opened the door to the mailbox and left my simple offering of love. Much to my surprise, as it slid out from between my fingers, I felt myself rising on hope.