Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

True Recollections

 

What talks and easy laughter through cloth mazes...
You shone so brightly 'twixt the lesser jewels...
The couch that for a brief eternity was home...

Inflamed the tongues that blindly swathed,
The hands that, thirsting, clung unto your form,
The joy, mad pleasures found within our hungry souls

And do I wonder still in muted awe
That I possessed, for some hours, a true paradise?
An oasis granted after years of fruitless yearning?

Oh, yes, of course, each day amazed
These memories don’t grow dim with every passing moment,
They swell, they burst, inside my fevered head.

So these, then, are the things I most recall,
When time and distance form a ruthless wall
Between sweet lovers.  Miles that separate
Are naught but inches ‘gainst the hand of fate.

Author notes


Written March 30th, 2004

In a list

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • Li snuffles
    October 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    nice... i love it

    know what you mean about coaches being home.. i love my coach aswell

    talented write dear friend

    lisa..xx


  • ShatteredSilverStar
    February 21, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    ohh, you are really talented, this is a awesome piece, your girl is very lucky to have a man that writes her poetry. please feel free to visit my page also and critique wichever one of my pieces that catches your eye
    xXtanyaxX

  • Shahoodeh
    May 20, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is soooooooo beautiful..nothing can compare..its jst captivating..I enjoyed reading this..


  • Neon Highway
    April 6, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    GORGEOUS WRITE! Whats that word, oh yeah WOW OWOW OWOWO WOW OW WOW!

  • Flagrancy
    April 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful write..just beautiful


  • GirlUnderGlass
    April 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    This is a really nice poem. I stumbled upon it while really tired, but it definitely shook me up a little. Memories are such a nice thing. Yea, so great poem. Return the favor maybe??


  • Almighty Aphrodite gold member
    April 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yo, Mister Crazy Ass...

    I think I've finally found a love poem I can venerate... well, considering that it's from you, and sounds pretty damn sincere (as I too have noticed the developing romance between you and LonelySoul lately), that's no coincidence... but it seems that most of the love poems I read around here ring hollow in my ears. Yours didn't. I adore the images and how consistent it was in verb tense--since I have the tendency to sway from past to present, to future, and back again--sometimes in the same line. That first verse, however...is a little steamy, I do admit ...but that's okay. Now I'm wondering when the hell I'm ever going to be able to write as good as you do...

    Ciao! See you around when I get back.

    Many blessings,

    Raven Aurora


  • NurseHayley
    March 31, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    You two best not be upsetting each other Or you gots ME to deal with mwha ha ha

    Ahem

    Yeah - this is sweet and a tad raunchy really in places (oo-er) Excellent word choice etc as per usual... (damnit stop being so good!)
    Take care
    Hayles x x


  • PurpleSky
    March 31, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    awwwwwwww o.k much better and very sweet I love the last two lines they are priceless and sum the poem up well.


  • TrinityMBS silver member
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    awww this is so cute! This is BEAUTIFUL... was she really that mad after the last one??? wow... lol poor gio... this is BEAUTIFUL... LOVE IT!
    Stephi


  • March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I'm sorry...I'm mean and still a bit hurt from the last one.



    Jenn


  • March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    well, it's not insulting like the last one.


  • sidinpink
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    i enjoyed reading this because i felt like i could relate to it.good write and keep up the good work


  • March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The last two lines sum it up perfectly ...very well done, Gio ..funny though ..how even a few miles feels like an ocean on the bad days ..(don't mind me) ..4 days and counting Beautifully done.


  • Gingerandhoney
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    What talks and easy laughter through cloth mazes
    You shined divinely among the lesser jewelry
    The couch that for a brief eternity was home....
    These lines, without punctuation dont make any sense to me , nor have any connection with the meaning of the poem...
    This is just my opinion, otherwise a very good poem, the last 3 verses flowed perfectly and I would have wished all of the poem that same grace and mark of genius.

    You "shined" divinely among the lesser jewelry...... Just wondered if "shined" here should be "shone"?

    I feel a little editing of the first stanza and this piece would stand clear in it's excellence.


  • queenie
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    yes clung,since you are talking about memories.this is a very nice write that reflects on memories that seem s endearing.the tenderness in whick is written is the insriration that carries it to a higher degree.you are blessed.your talent shows in this very well.


  • lake
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply

    Good

    I really like the opening stanza, especially "cloth mazes" and a few other images that really stand out, but a few of the images don't work. Consider "cling unto your form": it doesn't conjure up romance to me, as much as holding on for dear life. Also, the "Oasis" doesn't seem to mix with the paradise and fruitless (garden of eden imagery). Maybe it's just me. Otherwise, great poem. I really enjoyed it.


  • AutoPilate
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Yeah, I thought about that too, but the rest of the stanza's in present tense, so I wanted to be consistent. But I appreciate that you look for things like that.

    Thanks,
    Giovanni


  • PrincessOfFire
    March 30, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    (cling) unto your form I feel clung would be more proper. But I find this very nice and endearing. Well written.

1 - 19 of 19