I'll push the rusty shopping
cart just a little faster
You won't mention the squeaky wheel
and I'll pretend not to notice
the way your biege sandles have
turned mud in the rain
I think we are sad
but we don't know what
it looks like anymore.
Through all the years we've talked
so little, that if I were to count sheep
to get to sleep, using every word you said,
I would lay awake all night.
Author notes
My words were "reality" and "urgent".
A contest entry
- words really are just delightful by deadcolor dreams.
400 points, ended November 22, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i love the details in this write
i love the way you write. period.
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such easy sorrow
Fine poem, I think. Very tight metaphor. I can hear that wheel in the crushing weight of the silence.
Good luck in the contest.
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wow. I like the quickness. You don't try too hard with this. Its beautiful in a wierd sort of way. I really like it
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Stark and intrigueing
The speaker addresses the story with a matter of fact attitude that makes this a believable relation of the people described. I could see myself thinking that way...given those circumstances. I am NOT a punctuation freak ...but I do think it should be consistant one way or the other. Use it throughout or not at all? I like it better without the period stops...they slow the flow. Overall I like this pen
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I guess lostbrokenheart isn't married I thought this dug right into a relationship after all the glitter and glam of love is worn off by years of nothing much to say, and you find yourself living with a familar stranger. Great job!
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Hahaha, damnit this poem is waaay too confusing for me to understand, it's hard to understand, where does the sandles and emotion and conversations come from?
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It was just a moment in time with a couple and thier standing with each other. Sorry it was confusing.
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