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Bleed Black

All alone I cry
All alone I break
All alone I bleed
All alone feels wrong.

I want to feel loved
But no one wants me...
A freak of nature,
Wearing black make up...
And black clothing...

I cry so hard
The mascara bleeds
But no one cares...
not about me...
A lowly outsider...

Author notes

meh I think it could use some more...

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments


  • TwiztidMaggot
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    this is a really good piece hun... it does seem like it's missing something... more like an explanation of why? Otherwise it's a very good piece. Keep up your good work

    TwiztidMaggot


  • Deiago
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    I can really relate to this. I have a 14yr daughter who wears all this. People in this world are always quick to judge whats on the outside not whats on the inside. So much stereo typing


  • Rick Weston silver member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    i like the repetition you use in your first stanza - a good start, capturing the readers attention, seeing the deep emotion being exposed. once you've invited them it, what is it you want to share?


  • My Chronos gold member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Is there anyway you can explain why you think no one cares or wants you? Now you know it isn't true. It's just not! If you can describe your emotions to everyone exactly... Why do you feel this way? Why do yo hurt? Why do you wear black? It is a good write it just needs a little more explaining in my opinion.