My emotions are mimes
that box you away
When you get close
I feel myself getting more dangerous
I look inside you
but all I see are breakable things
I look for your positives
Because I don't like getting into this
Our guns are silence
The depths of myself can't be expressed
Not to you or your bad side
Your past has become your partner-in-crime
You've used my mistakes as weapons
I don't break your news over your head
But I have a war in my hands
that I've been saving up
A bystander made up of question marks
Wonders why I don't start this arguement
I don't want this to happen
but you deserve it
Through my actors skin
you can see with a telescope
That even though my feelings are porcelain
I still have hope
I daydream the justice
now I must produce real life
For now I'll be faithful to the safe clouds
Playing dumb, I'll smile
But there's still
war in my hands
- The Group Of Life group list • next in list
A contest entry
- To Those Unknowing Enemies.. by Cancel My Order...
800 points, ended August 27, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm lonely. by Horrific Hollis.
1600 points, ended August 29, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Contest Bc I Can! by Beautiful-N-Broken.
700 points, ended August 27, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 1 - Auditions.. 2 entries and PWs by T.o.r.t.u.r.e..
1400 points, ended September 22, 81 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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extremely insightful piece of work. I love the bounce of one topic to the next. It had a few flow issues I feel, but hell, what do I know? lol. Again a superb write. ~gypsy~
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Pretty Great
I love the topic, and the meanings each sub-group conveys. It is a interesting piece, the knowing of power, but the feeling weakness, not wanting to invoke the war. Its a difficult place.
Keep up the good work
QS
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not really sure i liked this, it was genius, but for readability i think it could be improved a bit. there seemed to be a rhyme scheme in some places and none in otheres, and sometimes it seemed abstract and in others not. i donno, it seems like you're a great writer, but just didnt refine this really.
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man this stuff is good i like everything u describe what u think/feel to
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very good.
Reminds me of all of what I did wrong. Thank you, I miss feeling elated. -
Such wonderful singular images welded together. I think some warrant greater elaboration, maybe as separate poetry pieces, like: Our guns are silence. Expanding on that image, what then are the "bullets" and "trigger"?
*argument
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excellent piece
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Good use of metaphor that worked well throughout. i found it pretty easy to read (which i think is a good thing) and it was not over complicated or pretentious as sometimes poems can be Overall very well written.
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nice job
very good poem nice metephors keep writting
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Playing dumb, I'll smile
But there's still
war in my hands
A nice write it shows a lt of inner emotion. -
very nice piece of work
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Wow, it's amazing. There's too many favorite parts.
I look inside you
but all I see are breakable things
I know this all too well.
Our guns are silence
The depths of myself can't be expressed
Words can't comprehend the creativity. Great. -
Reminds me of my last relationship. I like that it seems so honest, I wish it had stayed in one pattern throughout the piece though.
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As the wise philosopher once said, love is a battlefield. I think you said it rather better, however.
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Wow this was really good
I liked the last stanza
Also I can really relate to this line: "you've used my mistakes as weapons"
Great job
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i really enjoyed reading this! thanks for sharing!
x
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I like the ending
sad though
I like how you made the reference to hope in line 24
"I still have hope"
Great write,
Shaz
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beautifully written! the ending is brilliant. great write =]
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beautiful. enough said.
belle.. -
As I said the first time I read this, the first two stanzas are brilliant and I loved reading it again! However, I still can't figure out who you are so I am going to leave it in the contest.
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Beautiful! I wouldn't change a thing! I love the first part the best, it reminds me so much of myself. Great job!
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defentetly
great job -
ya i think it does deserve one! greart job! loved it!
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you did a great job on this poem..and the metaphor war in my hands;
favorite verses:
You've used my mistakes as weapons
I don't break your news over your head
But I have a war in my hands
that I've been saving up
and that last verse was ...POWERFUL!
VERY INSPIRING!
ears/Seattle
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I would hate to get on that side of you.. very good write.. I love the imagery you used
Our guns are silence
The depths of myself can't be expressed
Not to you or your bad side
Your past has become your partner-in-crime
I mean we all have a past but if the past is this bad wow.. Thanks for sharing this with me.. -
Good write
It seems scattered through the middle but in the end you remind the reader that there is a war going on. The war is a relationship but still war is scattered. Good write like I said.
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wow amazing great write
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Nice write here. The battle for self control in life is one that does not end until the day we day, but a battle always worth fighting for. Nice write!!
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loved the opening lines, 'My emotions are mimes,
that box you away" and the image of 'saving up a war' - fabulous
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Self control. Always something hard to have. I love the way this is written. I'm not sure what it is about it though. Thank you for your entry.
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really good. bought back some memories
grab the bull by the horns for it could make you sick with stress and anger.
i felt i could relate to this, i always had war in my hands and it slowly drained me of energy it sapped all my dignity. don't let this happen. i know easier said than done.
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"I look inside you
but all I see are breakable things",
"Your past has become your partner-in-crime " - great lines.
Powerful imagery, and phrases that stick in my head. Well penned.
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This is an excellent write with all the amenities, mystery, passion ,pain , anger, and restraint. I love it.... this is very well thought out. Good luck in the contests and thanks for sharing.
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amazingThank you so much for entering my contest and Good luck
-♥Amy♥ -
I really liked this. It has a mysteriously hurt and wary feel to it, like the shadow of a crouching wolf almost. And your language is very neat and well put together. A very nice piece!
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this was great, well written with a unique voice and stunning imagrey
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Incredably talented to give me the image of war in your hands and you havn't given us this set reason for it yetso your leaving us guessing as to what made it so. Infact i'd go as far to say as that I enjoyed this poem. It was subtile in it's manner, hidding in the shadows before it's chance came to shine when it then radiated outwards to let the whole nation know, you have war in your hands.
Feelings make us think things that if it were any other circumstance we might not think at all but we have thought them and this poem expressed that beautifully. Your words are simple but leave an elegant trace for us to grow warm with.'A bystander made up of question marks' that first line to the stanza opens up millions of doors and ever door has ben entered to finish with a perfect poem.
Wonderfull work and best of luck,
Gorecki. -
*Clapping* Very very good write. I really liked this poem, it's strong, it's definitely very true, and powerful. Keep up the work, there!
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Our guns are silence
The depths of myself can't be expressed
Not to you or your bad side
Your past has become your partner-in-crime
You've used my mistakes as weapons
I don't break your news over your head
But I have a war in my hands
that I've been saving up
These two stanzas are brilliant! The entire write is terrific and I'm glad you allowed me the chance to read it. Great write! Keep it up!
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It's really lovely. G'luck in the contest.
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