When Spring`s slim sunbeams crept across the land,
fulfilling the season`s first demand.
It stirred with warmth the bulbs of daffodils
whose first green shoots never fail to thrill.
Through the air many a bird soar
announncing serenity evermore.
in flight on tiny beating wings
joy and gladness and exultant sing.
And sorrow seemed merely a myth
for flowers danced in the breeze forthwith.
Those same sunbeams lit the highlights in her hair,
I could but only stand and stare.
Her voice was light like the gentle spring showers
And her graceful dancing put shame to the flowers
Such stirring in my heart did bring
the awakening to another Spring
Author notes
Give half the credit to my good friend williamstown who wrote half of the poem.
A contest entry
- Constructive Criticism. by Blue-Rose Beauty.
580 points, ended August 21, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest 1st come 1st serve by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended November 14, 375 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes by lovlilmystery.
700 points, ended November 9, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
I love the descriptiveness of this piece. You do a great job with the casual rhyme and I really like how it has this structure that lets lose. I can feel spring coming. Great job.
-Claire
-
you both wrote a lovely piece. i really enjoyed the feeling of hope infused with these words.
-
Such a delightful short poem. Well written and thought out. Good luck in the contest. Take care and have a great day.
Sandi -
awesome
so basicaly, ur decribing spring time and at that time, animals mate. so like when u mention,"she" do u mean animal she or human she? very descriptive and rythimic. hehe, keep writing! hugz.
best regards,
Lena
-
Collaboration
Difficult to comment when one is unaware of who wrote what ... a few typos but not important
announncing serenity evermore. ... announcing
joy and gladness and exultant sing. joy and gladness exultant sing.
And sorrow seemed merely a myth ... Sentences should not begin with And so perhaps "Sorrow merely seemed a myth"
I could but only stand and stare. ... Either I could but stand and stare. or
I could only stand and stare. ... one presumes the latter
the last couplet is excellent - one might suggest for
the awakening to another Spring
perhaps
awakening to another Spring -
beautiful
a whistful and beautiful write, enjoyed
-
-
Thank you.
Best regards,
claire
-
-
I'd loovee some meat with that poem
-
-
What do you mean?
-
-
Huh? I'd love to eat meat while reading this poem.
-
-
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Claire -
-
LOL. I don't know.
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
