Just Her Again

I thought of her again,
this time under the shade of a large elm tree,
while seeking shelter from the summer sun.
It's been 7 months and 14 days
and the minutes,
hard to count,
pain my soul every time the second hand passes by that big bold 12.
Is this the pain of  love lost?
Or a man struggling to hold on to something that didn't exist in the first place?
The wind blows softly upon my face,
carrying with it the scent of strawberries and vanilla.
Her favorite perfume smelled of things simillar
and once again I am forced into reminiscence.
She had  olive toned skin,
with straight but, sometimes curly long black hair.
Her voice soothing to me,
enough to calm the beast within.
Did I mention she saved my life?
I was on a path headed nowhere,
using drugs and drinking booze.
Then she emerged and changed my whole perspective.
I changed for her,
I changed for myself but,
mostly just for her.
Now where is she?
I sure as hell can't see her with my own two  eyes!
It's just the pulse of dispair and scent of loss in the air,
blocking my senses, fairly numb by now.
I only exist,
without her I can't begin to live.
Is this how death feels?
I would hope it to feel even a little better than this.
I guess I'll just go on anyway,
just sit here beneath this large elm tree.
Wait for the wind to stop, the oceans to dry,
the food to perish, the people to die,
and wait until the sun explodes.
Maybe then I'll feel better, maybe then this pain will stop,
or maybe I'll just think of her again
and take this pain with me into my next life.
Maybe but, just maybe.
I guess I'll  sit here and wait until I know.