Burden

This was never about individuality...
This was about worthiness.
This was all a game and i end up being the loser.
I hide behind the sounds
And write of my deformity
I cough out flem and smoke another cigarette.
I wait on the bed until my heart stops beating
I will wait until i meet an angel
And I will be judged for what i have done a long time ago.
I was never the hero
But i cannot be the villian
I live in lou and pray to the sky like a pagan.
I've never been the retrospect
But the past seems indearing.
I look over my shouldier and avoid the mirror in front of me.
Drunk... In a damning daze
I scream your name into the pillow
And turn pale next to the phone.
I was a believer,
But the knives cut up my fingers
I could no longer grow scabs on my index.
My eyes have gotten cataracts
And i have become nothing
But a shallow excuse for a human being.
To die, to sleep no more...
But to fear hell...
I fear this eternal punishment
Here is the rub...
My cowardice...
So i fantasize like i am Hamlet.
The sun warms up my second hand heart
But i get the sudden hit of reality..
I just can't win for losing.
Its much easier to condemn, really
Though they dont wear my shoes
Because the soles have worn down
I walk on hot coles and egg shells
They cross themselves.
I close the door as i bow.
Why cant i tell you?
These feelings feel like a soda bottle
Seeing you shakes the tonic until it boils over.
There is no escape, here.
I am pounded in all directions;
words like bullets peirce through my chest.
My heart would continue beating
but all the blood has been lost.
I fall to the ground and im fading fast.
My back has been a benihana
and you just want a snack.
Clean up on booth three...
CJ had a heart attack...
Boots on feet to beat a dead horse
bats and crow bars to make sure its meat for worms.
This was innocence inside a maze.
I just went the wrong way.
I burn and scream into nothing..
But as ashes
they are all that is remaining.
Smoke rising to the ceiling.
Still... in this ruin i see another face.
Burning in my soul, hope is bright.
Burgundy feathers peirce my shell.
A flash... a brilliant vermillion.
I emerge in burning embers.
I still have hope to maintain existence.
This dilemma with a simple solution.
To fly above.
To sing my pain as i fly through the skies.
I prove my worth to none other.
I am my own individual.
I am my own creation.
There is nothing to harm me from the sky..
As the ashes fall off my wings
There is a fire that still burns bright.