dear august,
its days like these that make me think you dont love me anymore. the red sun sets much later than it used to and i swear its just to piss me off. you used to say that breaking was the worst thing that could happen to me, but now that im broken i wish nothing more than to break all over again. my cheap tupperware bowl full of black and white marbles finally spilled over the cement, but i didn't bother picking them up because someday, that bowl will be full of the colorful sanity that you never had. for as a million fireflies light up the sky you wave good-bye. august, you're pathetic. never say good-bye.
sincèrement,
octobre
Copyright © Kira 2009
Author notes
août- August, French
sincèrement - Sincerly, French
Thanks for reading!
Venting
In a list
A contest entry
- Prompt: Prewrites II. by Manda Kathryn.
400 points, ended September 22, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - put letters in my mailbox. ♥ by stepbystep.
700 points, ended November 22, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
<3?
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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V witty
Ou sont les neiges d'antan?
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wow
August seems to be special month for you..you decsribe so much..but you sign with october....whatever happened to the poor september..just wondering.......mais sais tres bien and -
This is really good. I love the use of french. Sounds so elegant. Nice descriptions and I enjoyed the layout a lot. Amazing job. I'm going to add you to my faves to check out some more. :]
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First of all, I love French language and everything there is to do with it. That's what drew me to your poem. However, this sounds like a wonderful opening to a novel instead of a stand-alone poem. I think the descriptions are very poignant and draws people in especially with "tupperware". To me this just jumped off the page as a good novel opener. For me, to decide which books I buy from the store, I'll read the first paragraph, some middle pages and the last paragraph or line. And if I read this in the front of a book I would buy it immediately. It's restrained emotional yet vivid imagery-wise. Lovely.
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I've enjoyed reading this poem.Very innovative thought indeed.
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This was very interesting with an original point of view. I enjoyed it c:
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That's nice and sad. Very nice indeed.
One thing I feel I should mention is your use of 'your'. 'your pathetic' sounds like it should be 'you're pathetic'. I only mention it because it's common to use a your in the place of a you're, so you should make different mistakes
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Your so right! I cant believe I didn't catch that! Thanks!
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Hehe. 'your so right'
You are so right = You-(a)'re so right
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Lol I knew that.
YOU'REEEEE!!
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If your crisps don't bubble, you're in trouble.
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lol, is that food? I'm hungryyy
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My favourite crisps. Royster's. They've got bubbles on them. They used to be on TV, many years ago. They're T-bone steak flavour or Southern Fried chicken, but they're suitable for a vegetarian diet, so they're still best.
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thats awesome, but idk about the flavors...
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Well, as I said; if your crisps don't bubble, you're in trouble, so it's up to you - have nice crisps or get in trouble.
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ahhh interesting
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well, I wouldn't go that far.
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lol why not?
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Because I was talking about the dangers of choosing a tasty snack over a snack that's not bubbly!
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Thank You for Your Entry ~
"my cheap tupperware bowl full of black and white marbles finally spilled over the cement," --> what an incredible line; this poem is fantastic, I really love how you've penned for the month and given it such personification with you
I like the picture too, where did you find it?
Best of Luck
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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I actually found it on deviantart.com ((:
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Beautiful
When I read this, I almost thought it was about a relationship - oddly enough, the more I read over it, the more I continue to think it is. Even so, whether or not it is, I still love the imagery, as well as the "shameful" feel you're setting toward August. Kinda like it's got a feel of, "No, no, bad boy! You shouldn't do that!" LOL! I can't explain it, and I'm sorry if I'm way off. But that's the feel I got from it.
But besides the feel, I love how the picture gives it a more dramatic feeling, and I love how it's in a letter format. Beautiful word usage, btw. Also, this is where I found it being strongly related to a break up, or maybe some pain associated with love:
"you used to say that breaking was the worst thing that could happen to me, but now that im broken i wish nothing more than to break all over again."
People love to love, and when it goes wrong, someone in the relationship always hurts more than the other, and sometimes, even though love can be scary because of that pain you feel - they still want to go back to the same relationship, or risk another one. Wanting to "break all over again" is showing that even though you're broken, you still want to try for love - like you haven't given up on it.
Whicheverwayitmaygo - I loved this piece and those were my jumbled thoughts! lol
Tawni
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i love letter poems and the french language
<3
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its nicely described and quite interesting.
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:] haha, I love August. I pretty much loved ALL the lines, because they were all so amazing and good. :] Great write. xo
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wow
an interesting write up that was enchaning and entertaining at thesame time....coorful snaity.....i loved the concept..i would urge you to explain it fully to me...pls do...i am also into it -
oooh, this is amazing. incredible imagery, & i love the metaphor :] beautifulbeautifulbeautiful write.
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inventive and interesting
Original perspective and a very cool read. Last line is full of disdain , no cliche happening here! Has a real ...hmm.. atmoshmere? to it. I loke this!
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I much enjoy your poems with the different months. This is so elogant and just absolutely amazing!
You do such creative things with these writes of yours.
Thank you so much for sharing.
-Kati Anne
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Puisque nous savons très bien que Septembre lui il est la et nous aime comme un fou alors le mois d'août il peut bien aller au diable de dire!
J'adore ta petite lettre.
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haha this is so cool I wish I was this creative
beautiful, emotional words used here! Are you going through all the months? I'll have to keep a look out!
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Oh very beautiful
in lyrics, in memory of summer! Wonderful!
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Thank you
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Well you can surenuf bet that August will always come around again
Wonderfully written from a unique point of view ... cool clear October upstaging that ratty tired ol' summer gal 
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Oh hunny this is amazing!
I loooooovez the strong emotions here!!!
Bravissimo!
♥ Kate
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thanks love!
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Lovely, provocative imagery built around a unique concept of one month writing to a past month. It's a little unclear what the breaking, the marbles, and the "sanity you never had" refer to. It could also be clearer with capitalization. It's a wonderful idea, and overall you portray an intriguing picture with your images.
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Thank you.
I basically left it up to the reader to make their own decision on what they wanted those parts of the poem to mean. Because different people have different imaginations. But thank you ((:
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