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and i thought we had plans?

 

 

 

Sometimes, I worry

I'll forget the studied

lines of your face;

I struggle

to remember your

voice that rolled in

like tired dew drops.

 

I translated the bridge

and asked the river

for entry;

you were just a cold

swim away.

 

Your voice

echoed in gray skies -

 

You said 'no'.

 

Today, i'll make the

world yours and listen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

Author notes

Picture Credit: http://jaimeibarra.deviantart.com/art/Selva-126898509

30-60 words
30 minutes

A contest entry

What did you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Mango Memories gold member
    September 17

    Edit | Reply
    "Sometimes, I worry

    I'll forget the studied

    lines of your face;"


    Thats the line the peaked and glossed to me. It cut deep and raw. Vivid and strong; I loved it.

  • Topnotchsy
    August 25

    Edit | Reply
    This is the second poem of yours I've read this morning, and the imagery in your pieces is really wonderful. Beautiful write here!!


  • mysticstorm gold member
    August 24

    Edit | Reply
    Well deserving of the trophy...you took this in a wonderful direction and made it all yours...great metaphor and imagery...this is brilliant "I translated the bridge

    and asked the river

    for entry; "



  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    August 21

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations on the Silver Cup!!

    I love this piece, it's just brilliant!! Write on Poet.
    Peace & Hugs,
    xx Cyn xx

  • I loved the first two stanzas and the couplet below it, but the rest of it fell flat for me - or, well, I expected something stronger, perhaps. Still, overall, this is pretty good.


  • myrataal silver member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply

    Congratulations ...

    on a beautiful Silver! I hope this makes you feel less grumpy, Gal.

    Cross that bridge ... in is water passing underneath ...

    Love
    Myra

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    August 12
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the Silver

    This is stunning darlin; I can see how it won Silver -

    reading this I thought rather then the picture inspiring the words -
    the poem inspired the picture

    Love it

    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • Salty Hibiscus gold member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful write. Enjoyed the imagery you evoked. 'Grats on silver


  • tara wilson gold member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    "I translated the bridge" what a beautiful line...and the last line is gorgeous...i really feel like you want to stay in that place with them a little longer, to remember...

  • Congrats on the Silver. I am not surprised by the shiny at all, your words deserved it.
    Juls


  • DolceVito gold member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome piece, beautifully bittersweet


  • styrofoam
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    your writing's different now... it was always beautiful, but now it's head-turning

    stunning (:

    congratulations on the silver.

    i love that picture and now with the poem laid out on the page like that...
    gorgeous.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    So beautifully sad and a wonderful thought that you penned
    for this prompt! I really enjoyed reading this one from you
    and am glad that I clicked on it. Well done and congratulations
    to you on your silver trophy my friend! Keep up the wonderful
    work here and thanks a lot for sharing it!




    Jeremy0826


  • perfectsunset gold member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    This was stunning hun,
    so much imagery & depth
    woven within.

    Congrats on the silver


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    Felt a sadness in this... like, a giving in to that 'no' and fading...

    "I translated the bridge
    and asked the river
    for entry" >== love that!!

    (you don't need the second "the" in the first stanza)

1 - 17 of 17