Between the living and the dead,
She is caught in the proliferation of life’s smallest components;
Little bits of spring petals raining down
From the central rose,
Each petal radiating from her core a span of existence
Lurking somewhere beneath the surface,
Her fragile heartbeat the size of your nail
Finds its tune with the piano keys
Invisible, you can now feel her
And count her heartbeats until she’s yours
Inner darkness obscures summer light,
The sun dancing across the waves, the boats swaying on the sea
But you whisper to her,
Knowing her ears (part yours)
Hear all the secrets of your heart
Nothing exists in the span between her life and yours,
But a void longing to be filled
By her laughter (which bubbles up through your own throat)
By her eyes, vivid blue (scattering the sun rays, just like the sea)
By her (a union love bursting with hope)
Dirt that slips between your fingers, is the earth she’ll soon stand upon
A promise you wish could never be broken
Morning light breaks the night,
And you long to point out the trees, the dew, the dawn
But inside, in darkness, she waits with you
Ever patient in her solitude,
Yet preparing to break free of darkness,
Embracing a world drenched in brightness
So to come upon this earth, your daughter
Author notes
just wrote this, let me know if it needs improvement 
thanks!
A contest entry
- Natal Day -- The day before we don't remember by tomisb.
1750 points, ended September 11, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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that's a truly beautiful poem, especially love the line:
Dirt that slips between your fingers, is the earth she’ll soon stand upon
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nicely done
Inner darkness obscures summer light,
The sun dancing across the waves, the boats swaying on the sea
But you whisper to her,
Knowing her ears (part yours)
Hear all the secrets of your heart
good luck in the contest!
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I never got a daughter, I got a son
.
This catches a bit of the magic that occurs as we become full of wonder at the awakening of our being parents. Beautifully done. Best of luck in the contest.
Love, Tom B.
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Awesome how the first word of each stanza started with one of the letters in blind [the title.] Very creative write; the emotions were very strong. Nice job!
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woah!
i love all of the different emotions in this piece! i love the imagery and the sort of darkness to it all... it gives it more feeling... overall very good write!
~Sam -
I think its good and I enjoyed it a lot. Good job.
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wow, this is great, amazing job (Y) keep it up
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This is fantastic! I admire the flow you are able to create between different emotions and the contrast of light and darkness. It has beautiful imagery and reads like you're suddenly in a dream. I don't think you could improve this if you tried, so don't! =)
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I really liked this. Absolutely beutiful. Keep it up!
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WoW this is beautiful. the emotion is so strong and the way that it flows made me never want it to end.
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This is beautiful. I love the detail put into this. I feel as though I already know this person you are talking about. For someone who just wrote this, it's amazing. Keep that ink flowing. Thanks for sharing.
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It is very pretty and I was never very good at free flowing when writing so I am not good at giving pointers. I really liked it from the beginning to the end. It's precious.
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i cant even begin to put into words how i feel about this. fabulous doesnt cut it. amazing sounds too weak. awesome beyond all belief just falls short of what i want to say.
ive been sitting here for five minutes staring at the blinking cursor. i just--cant put what this makes me feel into words. i hope that gives you an idea of how......everything this was. of how.....everything it made me feel. and i hope you can understand what i just cant say.
any words that i think of are just too....drab. too unfeeling. too everything for what i want to say. and i hate that i cant put what i feel about this poem into writing. but its not possible.
lets try simple.
it's good.
it's amazing.
it's intense.
it's beautiful.
it's heartrendingly amazing.
it's gorgeous.
it's emotional.
it's pretty.
it's deep.
it's everything.
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