In the dull, nostalgic glow of the flickering lamp,
Clandestinely located beneath his exquisite stage,
This sadistic puppeteer skillfully glides the shaver
Delicately carving intricate designs into his precious masterpiece,
While a glistening diamond ring lies forgotten, obscured by dusty memories…
Author notes
C h o c o l a t e C h i p
A contest entry
- Just Give It To Me (First contest) by Wyakin.
490 points, ended August 31, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Here it is....PREWRITE EXTRAVAGANZA (audition round) by NoseRingGirl.
814 points, ended September 15, 106 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites From August 2009 by amaranthine lover.
1300 points, ended September 26, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 2 PREWRITE CONTEST by serenity silvermoon.
811 points, ended September 9, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Mania by whispernthedark.
2975 points, ended September 11, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you like it?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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21.65 / 25
nicely done here -
Very interesting premise here, nice story telling.
♥
whisper
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Wow! Yes, I like it! I don't even know where to begin with this poem! You have said so much with perfect imagery. I could see the scene laid out before me. A perfectly, poignant sight. I think the symbolism here is profound and maybe beyond what some might understand to begin with... and that's what makes a masterpiece! This is fabulous! Good luck in all your contests!
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Love how you've incorporated such lovely brevity here
It holds such a story- poignant and maybe somehow nostalgic which I like
Not much to add since I admire vignettes holding more than what meets the reader's eye; great piece, all in all
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Wow!
Loads and loads of great descriptions here! The ending line is very powerful, and it leaves quite an impact on the reader.
To be grammatically correct, "Lay" should be "lies" (so that you don't confuse your verb tenses).
Other than that, great job!
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Shivers
A wicked write! That gave me an instant visual and made me go ...eewwwww...owie. I like how much detail your few lines caused me to imagine...and that you left the story open for enterpretation. Very nice
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and the audience goes, "WOW"
such a vivid image you painted with your words. I love the lines
"This sadistic puppeteer skillfully glides the shaver
Delicately carving intricate designs into his precious masterpiece,"
magic!!
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awwwwww
its cute and sad at the same way really good kudos to you!
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Wow...
Speechless great job -
Beautiful and a little sad at the end.
"Delicately carving intricate designs into his precious masterpiece,
While a glistening diamond ring lay forgotten, obscured by dusty memories…"
Great 'puppet piece' you have haha. Best of luck!
Wyakin
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Umm
What new puppet are you creating now?
Am I being replaced?
Excellent by the by. :3
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i'm not divorced! ._.
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