facing up to the big ugly truth.

is there anymore room in your heart to love Mel?
you said goodbye because you had to,
because the rock you call a heart
has become as hard and unbearable as
the frozen earth.

you are told to move on,
to let go and accept things,
but since when have you ever accepted
what life told you had to be?
and since when did you ever stop fighting?

you could have blood dripping down
your arms and still you'd fight to get what you wanted,
even if you gave up at some point.

you said Goodbye to a man of nearly 3 years
that you were so in love with,
that it hurt to breathe,
you gave him everything
and what did he give you?

He gave you a maybe and see you next year reply
all the while promising he loved you,
while your phone became absolved of his name
and he rarely emailed you anymore.

you waited hours, days, weeks, months
to hear from him and when he replied,
it was only a few short sentences;
and in them, he said he loved you
and you cherished those words like they
were your lifeline, the very oxygen you needed to breathe.


you spent 3 years regretting a girl
that you continually said you fell out of love with,
never loved, were madly in love with and could
never make up your damn mind.

Truth is Mel, you love her,
you still do and the fucked up fact
that you both didn't work out together
haunts you more than a plague ever could
but still, you let go, because, that's what's right
and two depressed people never work out.

whose gonna be the sun afterall?
how many kisses were involved?
how many wishes were wasted?

do you remember picking around that birthday
candle with your eyes? and while you blew out the 18,
you said, if it was meant to be, you wanted it to work.

just last friday, you said goodbye
and it hurt all over again and you wanted to chase after him
but you didn't because you felt a grip on your shoulder
tell you "don't. it's time to let him go."
but oh how it hurts,
how it burns,
how it aches inside of you.

and there is a breakdown coming,
an ache so strong that it will swell up within you
and threaten to dissolve whatever sanity you ever had.

you are a party clown,
using your heart as a balloon
and wearing needles for fingers.

you're so tempting and you lure
everyone but then you become an all talk, no action
girl with shadow demographics to cover that
deteriorating thing inside your chest you call a heart.

how many people will love you mel?
how many people will fall at your feet
begging to be loved the same way they love you?
how many hearts will you break?
and how many i love you's will become meaningless
because you're tired of the words?

mel, you are a simple default,
always complicated,
never patient,
always unwinding and shifting
because you doubt yourself too much.

you call yourself an abortion
because life doesn't seem prosperous
but, mel, look at all those pictures.

look at all the friends you made
and the ones who laughed with you,
cried with you,
remember something...

they all loved you.

even if they don't anymore.
they did and that has to matter for something.

something in this world has worth
because of love, even if it isn't everything.

damn it, you're no saint
but you sure as hell aren't a devil either.

you're human Mel.
You're a girl.
You're finding your way.

and you've been worse places.
it will always hurt, don't you get that?
stop giving yourself a time limit
and just accept that your heart
is always gonna be a bomb,
and it's always gonna detonate in peoples hands.

people pull the trigger,
you are never in control
and mel,
you are all over the place,
scratching at the floor
trying to find yourself again.