Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Rose Hips And Cornelian Cherries

Missing image

Dear Colin,

White is such an ugly color. If everything in the world were white, I’m pretty sure I would have officially gone insane by now. White is starvation and ragged beauty that has been drained from the stars…

Today I found out that my dad only talks to me because he feels obligated to. He only stays in my life because it’s the law. And he stands on the edge of who I am, in the darkest of corners, with his eyes closed. Do you know what it’s like to have someone miss out on your entire life? It’s such a strange feeling to realize that before you is the man who helped create your body and your bones, yet he doesn’t even know your favorite color or what kind of movies you like to watch.

The neurons inside my brain are slowly being executed by little white lies and the mouths of boys who claim tiny inches of my skin but leave no trace of themselves behind. I’ve had so many different fingers unsnapping these baby blue jeans that I can’t even tell them apart anymore. And god, it fucking hurts. It hurts when all you needed was someone you can call on Sunday mornings and someone who will hold your hand. It hurts when all you wanted was orange sherbet and daffodils and instead you ended up with hand-me-downs and dirty mattresses and sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths.

But the feeling of being wanted by another human being is so severe that it molds itself inside human cheekbones and filters through eyelashes. I didn’t think it would be this hard, ya know? To find a skeleton like mine and give it a beating heart and cerulean eyes and program it to stop me from getting sucked into the stratosphere.

And I’m so tired of trying to find pieces of myself in empty things.

I guess it’s just too easy to believe that you can make something bloom without giving it water or oxygen or a safe place to grow. I’ve been shoving needles into my hipbones and dripping iodine across my chapped lips because it helps me feel.

I’m at the point where I don’t care and god,
all I can see is the white.

Love,

she still smiles x

Author notes

s h e s t i l l s m i l e s x
~~> ♥ <~~

prompt ii: write a letter, etc.
'no day but today'.

I hope this is alright! Sorry that it is rather depressing/angsty, I really just needed to vent, so thanks for putting the letter as an option

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • youhadme-athello.
    November 11
    Edit | Reply
    wooow. this is incredible.
    i envy you so much <3


  • wonderwall
    September 24

    Edit | Reply
    The pain in this is incredible, i had tears falling.
    No one should be left abandoned only spoken to out of obligation.
    Heartfelt words you have created yet you have a gift for the pen.
    Be proud of who you have become without the help of those who do not care.
    I care!

    Wonderwall


  • micaelalseth
    September 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I don't know what else to say... just amazing.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    First off, the title is just flat out brilliant. I want some of your creativity, yes!? hahaha. Gahhh this is beautiful and sad at the same timeee. But it's just so heartwrenchingly powerful and I was hooked beginning to end.

    -The neurons inside my brain are slowly being executed by little white lies and the mouths of boys who claim tiny inches of my skin but leave no trace of themselves behind. I’ve had so many different fingers unsnapping these baby blue jeans that I can’t even tell them apart anymore. And god, it fucking hurts. It hurts when all you needed was someone you can call on Sunday mornings and someone who will hold your hand. It hurts when all you wanted was orange sherbet and daffodils and instead you ended up with hand-me-downs and dirty mattresses and sloppy seconds, thirds, fourths.
    ...

    I really didn't want to copy & paste that entire part, but I honestly had no choice, because I couldn't just pick one sentence from that paragraph; the whole thing is fucking incredible. It does fucking hurt, and we would know best, I guess. Gahhh Frankkk I can't even begin to describe how flawlessly that is written. It's so tragic, yet there's a sense of hope in it, too.

    -I guess it’s just too easy to believe that you can make something bloom without giving it water or oxygen or a safe place to grow.
    ...

    ahhh I lovelovelove that. :] So truuue. I think everyone can relate to that in some way shape or form. I know I can. I also love the ties to the color "white" in the beginning and at the end. It's unique and original, and you went with it well. Gahhh. Beautiful letter, love. Good luck in the contest ! <3333


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Wow. I don't even know what to say. I love this. I adore this. You have an amazing talent at writing. Best of luck in the contest, though, dare I say, you definitely don't need luck as you have talent on your side.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~


  • ChunkyC
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    Dear Bria,

    you have deeply touched me. i am so glad you chose to write a letter to me that opens up yourself. i'm glad to know you're willing to vent to me. i didn't mind at all that it was angsty, i loved it. your writing is brilliant. fluid. gorgeous. ect. ect. ect.

    the second stanza.

    i relate so well girl. i too know what it feels like to have a father who isn't a father. just a figure in the shadowy background of what we call life. who at times steps forward to claim what is not his. i know this feeling all too well. my father has never been a part of my life. only when it's convenient for him. and it never is.

    -But the feeling of being wanted by another human being is so severe that it molds itself inside human cheekbones and filters through eyelashes.-

    i love the way you said this. the wording is so brilliant and i love it to death. i cry almost everyday because i never feel like i'm wanted in this world. i love the way you brought this out.. i love it.

    this letter was so amazing. and i'm so pleased you decided to show me this side of you. i think i'll add you to my family under sister. because you totally deserve to be there. <3 girl. much <3.

    Love,
    Colin

    • she still smiles x gold member
      August 10
      Edit | Reply
      Aww thank you so much, I'm so touched
      And I'm really glad that you like this, especially because this is the first poem that was easily written in a really long time, haha

      I'd love to be your AP sister and I hope you're okay with being my AP brother!

      I'm always here if you need someone to talk/vent to; you are never alone

      ♥


  • This Is My Story
    August 10
    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is so powerful! I love it!

1 - 9 of 9