Hey lover
Do you
Think
That we could go sailing
Where the waters
Deeper than space
& we can float like pebbles to shore
My love
& dream of lives not yet lived
Can we? Can we?
Hey lover
Do you
Think
That we could go sailing
Where the
Water isn't polluted
With our blood and tears and
Were we carry our suitcase
Not be crammed inside all in pieces
Squashed by hands that knew us as children
And that closed the door to our pleas
Can we? Can we?
Hey lover
Do you
Think
That we can go sailing
To a place
That doesn't know shame
& fly our colours high like a sail
My love
They've sealed our fate
Inside this old suitcase
But they can't undo what we were,
Us three, a family waiting to be
Can they? Can they?
Oh lover
Do you
Think
That we can go sailing
Where the waters
Deeper than space
And dive off deck
Into
The blue of before
As one
A family snap
Can we? Can we?
Comments
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It doesnt work
The overall idea is cute and cudly easily accepted by the reader, however its not memorable in any way, mostly because of its line to line connections, and frequent poorly choosen word. -
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thanks for commenting-back to the drawing board lol. the poem is about an incident of a couple killed in an honor killing and bodies dumped in a suitcase in the thames I read about-so guess it didn't work!! definitely not cute or cuddly. cheers
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I like the very last line sooo much.\
>w<
'Dorable write.
=]
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great write!
I liked this playful lay out of this piece over all I think its a really lovely piece!
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