Of Course I Lost

My frizzed hair and
Crumpled clothes,
My teary eyes, how
No one knows, what
Stirs inside me
Then appears. It's
Shown on the outside, all
My fears. You
See it physically,
But mentally it's hidden.
Hidden from the world
Where in my world it
Seems to be forbidden.
I slowly realize, beauty is
The cost, another thing
Added to the things
I've lost.

I've gone crazy,
With my slit wrists
And bloody hands,
My mind tells me
To take a stand.
But I can't I sit down
I bite my tongue,
All of a sudden air
Fills my lunges,
I look down
At my feet and mutter
How sanity has been my
Cost. Added to the things that
I've lost.

My heart is in two, it's been
Torn in half. No longer can
I love, dream, or laugh.
It's impossible to tell you how I feel,
Impossible to explain,
It might not even be real.
Has love been the cost?
No it can't be the cost..
This is the one thing that
Can't be lost.
I have to come forward
And cope,
How love has been the cost.
The last of what I have.
Of course I've Lost.