Ideally,
My love is a Persian cat
purring words of contentment in your ear
trusting and playful
napping in your lap
one day opening into the next
as forever unfolds.
Ideally.
And often it is.
But lately,
my tears are just as common as smiles
and your eyes flash
with disappointment you don’t speak.
Ideally,
the demons in my head would silence
when you promised your heart and
spoke pretty words
but something in me
see's the rose,
and rather than enjoy its perfume
looks ahead to its black death.
Aggravated, and
always the dog to my cat
you bite my furry tail until
you feel my claws
or do I claw you til you bite?
At least we’ll circle back to smiles.
Author notes
any ideas for a title? I also think i may want to change the ending. All suggestions welcome
A contest entry
- Move Me Thrice by zt.
714 points, ended August 27, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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First, I liked the poem. It was well written and touched upon an interesting subject.
Second, this poem only scratches the surface of the real issue...there is a whole layer that another poem could attempt to unravel. Mainly, what would be interesting to find out is...why has her feelings changed. What about him, or herself makes her now dissatisfied with the relationship...or with whatever she is displeased with...
As I said, it's intriguing, mainly because of her inner turmoil. She seems to make all the right moves and yet she's not having them, but instead prefers to see the negative of the situation.
And that is why the poem intrigues me, it does to levels beneath the surface, to the extent where another poem would be needed just to explain her issues.
The last line, I'm not sure what to make of it. It seems in direct contradiction to the rest of the poem. Maybe it it comes too suddenly, without any preparation for the reader. It seems the way it reads, that their issues are more about petty clashes than anything too serious since they end up in smiles.
Yeah, I liked this poem, it gave me a chance to use my least utilized organ -- my brain.
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A cat and a doggie can be such a good couple together...
I would love to see a videopoem about those two....
Great write Sarah,
Hope they don't brake down the house together..
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Cats are a deceptive lot. They rub up against you, purring, and then shred you with their claws when you try to pet them. If they weren't so soft & cute, there'd be no excuse for keeping them. Anyway, I like your metaphor in this. Not so sure about the ending, but your Authors Notes seem to indicate that you aren't sure either. For me, it was the way you went from biting & scratching to smiles. It was too great a transition for me. You have some good images. I think you could extend them a bit to make it more cohesive. Glad I got the chance to read this!
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aww I think this poem is very cute ^.^ it's really nice, the metaphor.
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oops, those untitled poems always fool me, I already read and commented on this once, but hey, eventhe second time around it was
better than the last.~~~Artis -
I like how metophorically spoke about your love. It grabbed my interest. This poem has a lot of feeling to it, and expresses yourself very deeply, I like this alot! Good Job!=]
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I'm Persian and I'm here accidentally! Such a surprise!
What a sweet poem you wrote about your Persian cat; they are patient with us and seem sometimes like real and dear friends.
It was a lovely poem. Thank you for sharing it
~Massy~
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love has strange ways of evolving, sometimes it becomes a competition between two, much as you have written here, but as long as there are smiles at the end of the tussle it can be just fine. ~~~Artis
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I loved it. You don't need no criticism. You don't need to revise it. Its perfect the way it is. Your wonderful at writing poetry. Two thumbs on that one. Keep going on your awesome poetry. Fantastic.
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