I was intoxicated
by the soft spoken promises
you sang to me
on those lonely nights.
I was hypnotized
by the way you held me
and told me
that if you had it your way
you would never let me go
without a fight.
You were an agel
you came to save me
from my addictions
and wanted to save me
from myself,
but sweet little angel...
why was your halo
so torn and mangled?
Why was your conscience
so beaten and strangled?
Ok, so I'll admit it
one touch sent me tumbling
I lost it
I had to be lost and then found
in your twisted love.
I was medicated
by your protection
but lost in fear
of your cold dark rejection,
and oddly enough
I saw 2 weak reflections.
"I'm not quite sure
where we're going,
but baby
I'd get lost
in a maze with you
on any day
at any time.
We're not pure
but quickly growing
and maybe
even with cost
this commitment is true
you'll run away
it won't be a crime."
So was blood really thicker than water?
or was an eager lamb
being led to the slaughter?
I slept
in the safe haven
of your shadowy embrace
and you diligently watched
as I became a part of you.
Rendering my defenses helpless
so innocently
you stole the one thing
that I was always so willing
to give away
and to throw away,
my heart.
I looked into your eyes
as we said our goodbyes
and as I pulled away
the blissful sedation had faded
and I witnessed the construction
of an obstacle course
that would change our lives forever.
I cried
as I tried
to find a way
for us to escape
the black hole maze
that trapped our souls
on those seemingly endless days.
The burden became
too much for you to bear
and I angrily begged you
to sever that final string,
set me free.
I quickly realized
that I needed your needle
to plunge deep into my arm
I needed your pills
to recreate hallucinations
shadow simulations of former thrills.
I was slowly dying inside
and compromised my emotions for reason,
"Where did I go wrong?
How could we so easily fall apart?
Our perfection
shall vanish
and turn to fear
in the dust of familiarity.
Your rejection
will banish
leaving me here
to contemplate the lack of clarity."
I begged you to breathe new life
to pull me from the ground again
to save me from the sickness
to help me to swallow my pride
and we can somehow
vicariously save ourselves
from the pain.
Drunk again,
another hangover
it felt so good
to be alive again
in the only way that I knew how.
"We must act now
do you want me?
can we do this?
clean the slates
start the new line.
I don't care how,
you hold the key
we'll get through this
mend our fates
we'll redefine."
A pseudo journey
of weak shadows
and questionable realities
seemed to be
the threads of our life.
I needed reassurance
and I couldn't stand my desperation
but could you ever see
beyond those angry nights
to the real me?
Perhaps the inevitable reality
is that you never really knew me
'cause you never really knew yourself
and we were never meant to be.
We tried to keep
a union beyond our failed commiments
but I was still addicted
so I justified our failures,
I had to let you go.
As I severed
that final string
entwining our souls
I bled inside,
but denial
was your medicated solution.
"Perhaps I never loved you
I couldn't give
what you need
binded by
our endless lust.
You deserve something new
you will live
you'll succeed
do not cry
you need to trust."
Your tears turned to hatred
and my words became
your weapon of choice
to justify your pain
to pull me down.
It's not fair
that you say I haven't tried
the night I cried
to forge our future
to make you happy.
You want a confession of pain,
I will proclaim
that your face
haunted my dreams
for months to follow.
I tried so hard to restrain
so I felt shame
but recovered with grace
and now it seems
I'm no longer hollow.
I'll always remember you
as an important part of my life
you taught me about myself
and what I really wanted
but dear you showed me what I don't
and won't take
never again.
Wish upon that darkened star
pray for my devastation
and you will see
my perspective of you won't change
and your prayer goes unanswered.
Hurry child,
run into the arms of another
hide from your mistakes,
point your beatiful finger
join hands and blame me.
Despite your crowd
of pointing fingers
I won't except entire blame
so run away with innocence
and bask within your ignorance
as he gives me the tools
to wash ky hands clean of this.
High atop a mountain
I never climbed before
but still I worry about you
and know that it's not
supposed to be
of my concern.
Drinking from a fountain
of spiritual alure
I find out what is true
now my every thought
focused on me
I won't burn.
So as I leave
this black hole fortress
the hindsight view
shows its feble structure
but don't be confused.
I wish you well
and pray that you will save yourself
from the hell you create
of misconceptions
and bad decisions.
I sincerely thank you
for the pain you brought to me
it turned to strength in a guiding light
and I remember advice you gave
as you indirectly guided the way.
Everything I've been through
gives way to set my soul free
and in the length of an endless night
I found hope through sorrow to save
my new life, I begin a new day.
Author notes
Now, there is nothing left to be said. I am free and no longer have to feel guilty of projecting my past onto a future significant other. I've bled my soul dry of this, and it's time to LET GO.
Share with me your interpretations.
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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I haven't been on this site in a while. Quite a write I must say. I do hope you have let it all go as I have. We were just too young, and immature to create a relationship that we had wished to have. I acted childishly and I apologize.
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Introspective - Questioning
Epic... Yes! I thought it was too long. The stanzas generally flow well, but some "sentences" are just too long and become awakward.
"You were an agel
you came to save me
from my addictions
and wanted to save me
from myself,
but sweet little angel...
why was your halo
so torn and mangled?
Why was your conscience
so beaten and strangled?"
There is often more than one thought in a stanza. Reread the poem and smooth out the flow.Spell Check: soft spoken, agel, commiments, binded, beatiful, except, ky, alure, and feble.
I think it is too long for the average reader because it is a personal tale rather than say the epic description of a great battle.
6 stanzas seem to be a good number. If you can't say what you have to say within that parameter, then it better be GOOD. Less is more.
You have a good vocabulary and were not noticeable redundant with word useage.
I have alway had a habit of writing my poems and prose first before they hit the computer. The poem I have posted tonight, "No One to Play", http://allpoetry.com/poem/5639105< /span>
was 12 drafts over about 20 days. The first poem I wrote took six months and then one day it came together. Sometimes it doesn't. That's why God made file cabinets and trash cans.
Enjoyed it... I know the feeling. Hope I helped a bit. Writing well is not for sissies. It takes commitment and the ability to tell yourself, “This Sucks” when it sucks. A good poem is never finished, just set aside. Good Job! Howard
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Thank you very much Howard. I was hoping to hear something like this from you.
I invited you to read this poem because I knew you wouldn't be bias and you were representative of the poetic passerby.
As far as length, I thought the same thing. I kind of just posted it last week and let it receive comments for it's conceptual meaning and took a week off from writing or toiling. I'm just trying to figure out how I should condense the thoughts of this poem.
I'll try to do so and if I can't do it, I'll leave it posted, but obviously it will be a bit more of a personal prose like poem.
I have a long way to go when it comes to poetry. I'm great at putting thoughts on paper, but fine tuning is one of my weaker areas. I've come a long way since I began writing 5 years ago. It started out as a hobby to cope with my depression, but since joining this site I've been inspired to take it up a few notches.
I'm not perfect, so I don't want to sound like I'm arrogantly criticizing, but there are times when I come across poetic cliché and I certainly hope that my future works don't fall into that category.
My problem is, I have over 400 poems on this site, but I've always been guilty of moving on to the next idea. Perhaps I should take a break and revisit my older works.
No one ever taught me the logistics of organizing poetry into good form. I've been winging it and since I've joined this site, I've learned a few things.
I love my friends and their insightful comments, but I never seem to get any comments from critical readers.
Someone once told me that this site has something like a poetic mentor program. I'm not sure, but stylistically my work could use great improvement.
I can shamelessly admit that it isn't my best poem. It is the best thing I've ever written, and it's the best poem conceptually and emotionally. By no means is this my best in form.
I know I'm probably rambling at this point, but thank you for the feedback. "Less is more", great advice also given to me by my college writing instructor.
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WOW
this was simply and absolutely amazing..!!!!..I found myself actually crying..this is a very emotional write..very deep and personal. I ask for permission that I may add this beautiful piece to my own anthology of mine and others poetry.
I really enjoyed every line and minute of this great write.
I only saw two errors in the whole thing ..
one's in the 2nd paragraph 1st line..and the other is in the 17th paragraph last line..
I hope the best for you and hope that everything is well and you have no problems with anything..and that you are happy where you may stay..and that college is great.
love you lots,
Sarah
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You have my permission to do whatever you would like with my poem, as long as I get credit for it.
Thanks for the kind and encouraging words Sarah. You're always good for a little constructive criticism.
It's a way to finally say, "the past is the past. It's time to let go and move on."
Thanks for the encouragement, and I wish you the best in your upcoming endeavors.
BC.
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So here we go, I loved the comparison between love and substance addiction throughout the entire piece. Addiction is one of my favorite topics of interest, I'm a bit odd I suppose, but it made me happy that you did it so well.
"I quickly realized
that I needed your needle
to plunge deep into my arm
I needed your pills
to recreate hallucinations
shadow simulations of former thrills."
Well I should also point out how much I liked the opening lines also. They were powerful and drew me in.
I also loved the way you sprinkled it with endearments, like baby and dear. It gives me the feel that you are speaking directly to her, and that this is something too personal for me to read or any other audience. That your ripping out a piece of your soul while your writing this. I love the vulnerability in that.
"I sincerely thank you
for the pain you brought to me."
I almost wasn't expecting this line. It was genuine and I liked that. Well I'm glad this piece has helped you move on. Because it is so heart-wrenching and heartfelt. Its powerful and well written. Great write!
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This is so raw and so packed with emotion, it bares so many truths and bleeds out so much. I'm sure you felt better after writing this, emptied of the stress and the burden of regret that's been on your shoulders. Every step and every change in life is major, it takes so much from us but gives us so much more. Time only heals wounds if you let it, and it's good you've cut that string.
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Damn BC, this truly almost made me cry, its so deep and beautiful, the whole story and poem, its purely out of your heart. I have not read something so mesmerizing in forever. And I can truly relate to every one of these words, its so hard to go through something like that, and some people just don’t understand how it is on the other side. We give it our all to someone and they just trash it, so easily, just like that. Its so easy to break a heart, to break anything for that mater, we are so fragile. And that makes us blind sometimes. We start blaming ourselves but we never are the ones with the problem, they are. We are left as the fools, the ones tossed away and then the ones to blame. But then its not that we have failed, its that they don’t want us to be the one, its really no one to blame, and even though when time passes, its really hard to let go. But you seem to finally do it, to move on from everything that has happened and move forward, something I still need to do, and with this poem I have learned a lot, I have learned a lot from you, and with that I say thank you, as much as I want to remember I have to do the same. This is an amazing peace Brandon, and I see the need from you to write this. Well done.
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Never did I imagine that in writing this, so many would take solace in such a sorrowful story. Honestly, the more feedback I get, the better I feel. In a weird way, people's continuous support for this emotional bleeding has blown away the burdens that once plagued me. Now I can look at this and say, it inspired my greatest poem to date.
I wasn't quite sure how I felt upon scripting this, but quite frankly, I'm proud of it and its success. The difference between Sarah and I is that I don't blame her for this. We were naive teens who were victims of circumstances and consciences that wouldn't let us be.
Sometimes, it takes an experience like this to reflect one's entire being. I only hope that 1 day, Sarah can appreciate the important life lesson's learned.
Sincerely, I thank you for your thorough comment.
BC, (The Rainbow's Mind)
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this poem is a powerful one. i really liked how throughout the poem there was a solid sense of confidence. despite the wicked storm you were going through you held on to something. as well as expressing that with the poem you chose the right words that made this idea real.
So was blood really thicker than water?
or was an eager lamb
being led to the slaughter?
this is my favorite line b.c. i see that there is so much strife in the thought that reason isn't even involved anymore. it's a question of what's right and what's wrong. empowering. it's very well written and your dedication to the entire poem is inspiring. i wish i could ay more but i have to work. strange how words awake the sprit...keep writing the peace.
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I proud to say that I can look at this situation in present tense with confidence. It truly was an almost life shattering experience, but in an ironic way, I must thank her for my successful career so far.
After 4 years of self loathing, when this ended I had 2 choices. I could let this consume me or rise above this and dedicate my strength to myself. I think the path I have taken is quite obvious.
I will follow up on my comment to your work, but I thank you for taking the time to share your feedback on such a heart wrenching poem.
Pain turned into art. I've achieved what I spent almost a year striving for. I turned this horrid situatin into art.
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I have to say that this is the best poem of yours that I've ever read. It was raw and beautiful in every imaginable way. It's healthy at times to let go of the past and, with this, I think you're ready to do just that.
Amazing job and your best yet in my opinion.
♥ Megan
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Well, you were definitely an inspiration with your blunt poetic mentality. Although, one question immediately comes to mind after writing such a piece.
How the hell am I gonna top this?
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brandon
this is simply beautiful and simply true. when you read this to me i thought of alot of people who need to just finally cut stirngs by saying they miss someone. I'll openly admit here infront of everyone that reads this, i miss my ex but have moved on. i miss him but refuse to let him affect me. thank you brandon for shairing this -
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Very well said. I sincerely hope she's doing well and there will always be a little piece of my heart that prays for her success, but after this poem's success dies down, the inevitable reality is that it is time to officially cut my losses.
If there's one thing I learned, it's that I can't truly dedicate my heart to a beautiful deserving girl if I have these thoughts harbored inside.
After wonderful feedback from people like yourself, I realize that I have turned my life's most tragic heartbreak into an emotionally relatable piece. I won't hesitate to say that I'm proud of this poem and of the experience that led to its creation.
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In this part:
"You were an agel
you came to save me
from my addictions
and wanted to save me
from myself,
but sweet little angel...
why was your halo
so torn and mangled?
Why was your conscience
so beaten and strangled?"
I can see part of a song by Seether. Thats what that part reminded me of.
This is a deeply written poem. I can see bits and pieces throughout the poem that remind me of different songs. Going through this would make anyone stronger. Why certain things can be so addicting yet so distructive is beyond me. I have always wondered how things like this happen and we are sometimes blind and don't see it till it is almost to late. Being able to end it and let it go seems so hard sometimes. You were able to do that. Its an amazing feeling when you are able to end it and start working on getting your life back on track so that you are able to work on your goals of a better life for yourself. Very well done! This is an amazing piece. Continue penning. I want to continue reading your works.
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oh my gosh bc, you have been able to pen something that i have been trying to for years, wow this is probably one of the most amazing pieces i have read, it brings me back to a place, and brings me through a heart wrenching jorney... honestly i wish i had something more to say, but i'm just in awe of this piece, it made me cry well done my friend, well done indeed
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This is so amazing. I don't really know how to explain how much I mean that. Because I'm not just saying it because I know this poem means a lot to you. I really mean it when I say I love it. It's just so honest. It has so many emotions and views and thoughts, but it isn't scattered brained. It's complex. I mean I had to go back and read it twice, but I feel l can relate to it on a lot of different levels, even without having had a relationship like that. Like I said, it's just so honest. So human.
"I was medicated
by your protection
but lost in fear
of your cold dark rejection,
and oddly enough
I saw 2 weak reflections."
"I was slowly dying inside
and compromised my emotions for reason,
"Where did I go wrong?"
"Drunk again,
another hangover
it felt so good
to be alive again
in the only way that I knew how."
"Perhaps the inevitable reality
is that you never really knew me"
I think those were probably my favorite lines. But I don't know. It was all good. And I very truly and sincerely mean it when I say that I think this poem is freaking excellent.
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Thank you so much for your comment and support. I've been spending the whole week, writing this in pieces. I think it came together quite nicely.
A friend once told me "the weakest man is strong." This is the only poem I've ever written that even moved me. If you liked it, then I guess I'm glad I posted it.
This is the only way that I can let go of her forever. To be completely honest.
Why hide behind a wall of strength. It hasn't gotten me anywhere thus far.
So even if a scar is left, I bleed these thoughts with no remorse and no looking back. Your feedback means the world to me.
In order to finally complete the transformation and become the new me, I must flush out my soul. Now, I'm almost ready for college.
Sincerely,
The Rainbow's Mind.
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