Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Care Taker

Lay down in my arms and
Let me hold you for awhile.
I can see the price you have paid
For my weakness.
Be still and leave your burdens
At my door.

Weep me back the tears that
I have wept upon you.
Take back the strength that
I have used to stay afloat.
I can be the shelter you
Require.
Now I can be the one who's strong.

Lay down in my arms and
Let me hold you for awhile.
You've given without taking
For so long.
Lay down in my arms and
Drift to slumber-
It is time I sit with you
Tonight.

Author notes

I am not disabled, but I have worked with disabled people and have dealt with disability and disease in my own family. I know the relationships between the caretakers and those cared for. This is for the caretakers in our lives.

A contest entry

Do I need to add anything else

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

  • abu nuwas
    November 9

    Edit | Reply

    No, no addition needed

    I read it three times, and at first I thought you might re-cast it as conversation back and forth. Then I decided that that might be nice, but it would be a different poem, whereas this was itself delicate, touching and quite out of the usual run. Well done

    E


  • Navajo Apsara
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    This is excellent. I once was of many titles but all it mounted to was CNA/ care giver allover it. So titlees don't make a dif. Thank you for sharing I really enjoyf your poem. Keep penning your good.

  • Alexis-Rueal
    August 10
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your comment, NoseRingGirl. I appreciate your kind words. I am a bit of a traditionalist at times and thus capitalize the beginning letter of each line in most of my poetry. I appreciate your take on it, though.


  • NoseRingGirl
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very sweet piece, obviously written from the heart. My uncle recently passed away after a lifetime of suffering from Muscular Dystrophy and mild mental handicapped-ness. He lived in my house for 13 years (since I was 9) so I know all about it. This piece really hit home, and it was absolutely beautiful. The ONLY criticism I have is about the capitalization of each line. It makes one have to second guess the piece and wonder if it was on purpose or if the punctuation is weird, etc. It just slightly distracts from the overall piece, so I'd say that's the one thing I would change about it. Other than that, again, this was such a sweet, BEAUTIFUL piece, and I look forward to reading more of your work!

    p.s. - I rarely hand out applause smileys, but i'm so touched by this piece, you get three!!!