sun sun sing scarlet sunshine song
soft soft drum pleading echoed gong
ancient melodies makeba tongue
soft hands beckoning the rain will come
memories' moments wake montage of meaning
wet birds wild hearts pata-pata needing
wet birds wild wants pata-pata feeding
wet eyes begging begging calling calling
chime-chime bells a gray sky singing
dust to mud rain-rain is revealing
mud turns river-river rolling in roaring
rain-rain rustling rustling deep dry longing
cry sky african sky african sky crying
pater prayer patter-patter pata-pata
pater prayer patter-patter pata-pata
hush-hush patter-patter softer softer
hush-hush pater-prayer-patter softer softer
...
Author notes
I promised to enter ... and unfortunately the free verse did not want to become part of my musings. So I let African rain sing instead. Hope it is okay.
pata-pata: sensual african dance
makeba: miriam makeba
Photo: ML -- Rain in SA Western Cape
In a list
A contest entry
- Video Prompt Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa by marlene47.
1800 points, ended August 10, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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A fabulous example of intelligent onomatopoeia. Well thought out, constructed in both rhythm and meaning. Bravo.
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This has such great rhythm and cadence. It's incantory and mesmerising at once, a primal heartbeat whose echo is found in drums. Congratulations on the trophy - I saw from the outside, you see from the inside, from your place amongst all of this. Beautiful.
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Thank you so muc for this wondrous comment.
I did not see it. X
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I like the overall pulsing in this, and
you word choicesin themselves create powerful meaning.
S1 - I like pleading drum beats, the hands, their softness. Would that be the late great Miriam Makeba you’re referring to? It’s reminding me of this => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MB26L8nbRiw&feature=related
(paul simon and miriam makeba sing under african skies)
S2 - I like the shift to memories/their meanings, the wildness
The needing hearts, feeding their wants, eyes begging, calling for rain, for touch
S3 - Singing gray sky a great metaphor for the rain
changing dust to mud, a river, a roar
the deep dry longing - that was an amazing phrase
S4 - What is fun in going through this is all the way it could be read.
The crying for pater prayer, rain patter, pata-pata (touch-touch) and the soothing hush hush (of mother)
Well done, I thoroughly enjoyed this entry, THANK YOU!
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Thank you so much for the Bronze in your contest ...
I thoroughly enjoyed entering!
Love to you, Marlene.
Myra
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Pays to listen to brother ben
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Rhythmic, alliterative, incantatory...and so beautiful.
Excellent,
Bill
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Thank you, Bill ...
this poem ran away into its own ruffle of drums ... Thank you for feeling it.
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I always wondered about Africa. It seemed to be so far away, but you bring it to your pages, now its not so far and neither or you pretty
poetess
Good luck in the contest.
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We are all distant, all near ... all there, all here ... Love your mesmerizing eyes, little Dutch dreamer.
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Oh my, this is so beautiful. You can hear a bongo beat in your words, you now the sound of the tribal dances. The imagery is just fascinating. Well done. Blessings.
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Oh ...
I love that phrase bongo beat! It says the heart of the heat ...
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This a wonderful take on the prompt Myra. So tenderly expressed.
Mariana
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Ah, Mariana ...
I know you know the slow African rush and the hush ...
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Reminds me of pater-father
I hear the drums; the prayers for rain
See the knees
strike high energies expended
Problems mended, fires tended
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Yes, from prayers to patter-patter to pata-pata ...
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I smell rain
'Shir Rumm' the drum drum
"hush hush pater softer softer"
As in a 'Mantra, spoken softer softer
Til your heart speaks softer softer.
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What a wondrous connotaton you lifted out here ... Is our love not always a mantra, and nature's yearning?
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