Images, impressions I can't articulate
God is in my head
Darkness...deep so deep
But not empty
Never empty
Moving, jolting, rhythmic, flowing
I move on without knowing
Following a thread
An error in the code
And it's stalking, walking
Wavering, wandering
Pulsing, Glowing
I move on never knowing
Deep, so deep
On paths by pools ever growing
Following a cypher wrought
To stupefy the unwary
I am the thread
I am a locii of things of dread
But am I dead
Not yet
Broken maybe
But never bent
Now where is this all going
Is it shit's creek in which I am rowing?
Not sure but is that you there glowing?
I move on never knowing...
A contest entry
- You be you...I will be me...let's just be us... by SummerlandRayne.
999 points, ended August 31, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Although this is not a nature poem in the sense of the sea or a waterfall or mountains or something like that it reminds me very much of Robert Southey's "Cataract of Lodore". It has that kind of impact. Just a bit disappointed with the "shit Creek" ending it just dragged away from the quality of the rest and I would suggest to rewrite just at that point but what you can substitute "shit creek" with I just don't know.
I only have two miserable bananas - they are yours.
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But am I dead
Not yet
Broken maybe
But never bent...these are my favorite lines! wonderfully said.
this would make for a great spoken word piece!
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I knew you would be so GREAT at this type of writing! And this is a magnificent poem...cascading down the rocky cliffs...smashing from idea to idea...question to question...pondering and then realizing...then beginning to doubt once more. Just like my head. Thank you for sharing your rampant and unedited thoughts...I am still trying to digest them all.
Sue
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