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A line

The lullaby of sea on rocks
a lucid loop of sound
carries me amongst the flocks
of seagulls making rounds

and up across the closing tide
I see the mourning sun
which falls to line in which confides
my own internal run

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • toomysterious
    August 13
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    This softens it and the sea green lines bring the sea to the reader. White lettering is to hard to read, though maybe a darker shade of green. I will be back to read more poetry when I am not so pressed for time. Thanks for leaving me a note.


  • myrataal silver member
    August 13

    Edit | Reply

    Perfect!

    I simply LOVED what you did here, Poet. Very well done, indeed.

    Love
    Myra


  • toomysterious
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    This spoke to me. It has a rhythm that reminds me of the sea and a depth of meaning far beyond your years. The background does nothing for it though and backgrounds do have an impact. You seem to favor the words loop and lucid in your poetry, but in this they make the whole piece more fluid and suit quite well.