The silver-blue sea, the sun reflects
turning it gold where the light connects.
The colors it create have no names
as vibrant as blazing flames.
Ripples dance
across the water.
A living being at first glance
at second, an angel's daughter.
A fallen leaf
adds to the celestial scene.
Beautiful beyond belief
the gold a stark contrast against aquamarine.
Most delicately sung
is the sea's fanfare.
Upon waves it is strung
find a more intricate one if you dare.
The salty sea-spray
against my face.
The end of a day
wait for morning's embrace.
Author notes
Credit: http://zhaniswolf.deviantart.com/ - Favorites - The Ocean
A contest entry
- Deviant Artistic Poetry by zhaniswolf.
2000 points, ended August 9, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Great
Very nice, though some places unrhythmic. Hah! I've learned to critisize. But, I still love it. -
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Thank - you whatever mouse god convinced you to learn to criticize! I see the light!
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-Throws a Rose-
I could actually feel the sea-spray against my face and see the scene you are trying to paint. This is a very creative peice of writing. I love it and I am hoping to read more of your work.
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Thanks, I'm glad you liked it!
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I like the feel of the first stanza compared to the others. In some of them, the rhythm is completely off. Definitely a piece to consider revising. I like the idea of the piece for sure and am only being critical to help you. I don't want to sound like a jerk or anything. I would go with the same rhyme scheme as the first stanza, personally. But thank you for entering. You did well.
(If you do revise this, please let me know so I can go check it out)
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Hey, beautiful poem, it creates very happy imagery thats full of character.
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The first stanza has a different format than the rest of the poem, but the first stanza is my favorite stanza.
1: Third line, first stanza. Should be "creates" not "create".
2: Second stanza, last line. "Angel's daughter"? No offense, but it sounds like an effort to rhyme. But I get it. And that's all that matters. Right?
3: Third stanza, last line. It's a bit long, which interferes with the flow.
4: Fourth stanza, last line. "If you dare"? Why wouldn't you dare to? Because you might fail? Ok. I'll take that.
Overall, it was a lovely poem of course, and enjoyable. You had a smooth ending, and thanks for sharing Amanda.
huggles and luv,
Claire
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