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By a River

down by a river
trees rustle a windfall light
flutter in out specks

 

revision1

 

down by a river

trees rustle a windfall light

flutter in....out specks

 

revision2

 

down by a river

trees rustle a windfall light

beneath a wing speck

 

revision3

 

down by the river
wind rustles trees a flutter
dancing speck of light

 

 

Author notes

Prompt:haiku workshop fragments and phrase.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • DogFish silver member
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    Writing haiku is work ain't it! You wrestled hard and in the end painted an interesting landscape here!
    Good Work!

    • kendhal22
      August 23
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the wonderful comment given to my ku. This was hard, but not for Draig aine sujestion that pulled my ku together. Peace and love. Kendhal22


  • Draig aine gold member
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    down by the river
    wind rustles trees a flutter
    dancing speck of light

    another thought, this is a great ku to work off of, the variations are endless great work

    • kendhal22
      August 16
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you, that sounds good. I'm going to use it. Kendhal22


  • azure85 gold member
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    down by a river
    trees rustle a windfall light
    flutter in out specks

    You have a very lovely scene. You have a good fragment and phrase. I am thinking of L3, you could put in a comma, maybe something else (just for later on, for something different)

    down by a river
    trees rustle a windfall light
    flutter in......out specks

    Or something concrete you could add to give even more emphasis to that AHA moment.

    Thank you so much!

    • kendhal22
      August 8
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      I just love these workshops. I learn to profect my japenese writing better. Thank you for the advice and the wonderful comment given to my ku. Kendhal22


  • crivanea silver member
    August 8
    Edit | Reply
    Oh! This is so lovely! I love the tranquility of your words

    • kendhal22
      August 8
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the wonderful comment and peace you recieved from my ku. Kendhal22

1 - 8 of 8