Lost My Daddy Along the Way

I feel like I am nothing

You don't notice when I'm trying
even when I'm loudly crying

Now that I am older
you don't look at me the same
and I feel you are ashamed
of the girl i now became

I'm not proud either
but you accept your wife
time and time again
I feel like you can't love me
like the kid I had once had been

Like the scars all up my arms
and body, shade who I am
Like I'm no longer you're daughter
no longer you're precious little lamb

But daddy I'm screaming beneath my skin!
And you're acceptance I still can't win!

How can you hug that woman!
She fills your head with lies!
I want my daddy back
She's everything I despise!

Why can't you listen to me
I feel like to you, I'm covered in mud,
shameful, but I'm still here!
listen to you're own flesh and blood!

I'm drowning and I think I'm losing you
I'm so scared to become an adult
and have the choice to tell you I'm through

You're growing older every day
I don't want to push you away

But you're no help, you bring me down
I wish you could see me for me
Act like you want me around

I'm not perfect, but I am trying hard
I hope one day you'll accept how I am scarred

Inside and out, I ache and struggle often
with taking my life,
through all therapy and hospitals
I know its brought you strife

but I'm still here, living in fear
of losing my daddy, that I may have already lost.

I feel like I've tried everything
and I've decided you are a different man
I just wish I could reverse the hurt
before this all began

I don't know if I'll ever have the guts
to tell you all of this thats on my mind
or if from it, a daughter you will find

I don't want to let go
but I can't hold on right now
I need to learn to get past all of this somehow

I grew up too fast,
and screwed up too much along the way
I'm sorry if I ever hurt you, with words I didn't say

Until I figure out, how on my own I'll live
I'm truly sorry I'm a dissapointment,
and that, as of now, I have nothing left to give...



~Madison~