Escape from
the
wilds into the
world.
Noise of the silence,
den of the trees.
Pain buried deep,
in a whispering breeze.
Fire rains down my body,
clears the dirty soul.
Filtered by green canopy,
sunlight takes its toll.
Animals come from all around,
curious and shy.
Ready to bolt at the smallest sound,
from the grass in which they spy.
Water screaming in my ear,
a roaring, shrieking hush.
Stones stand firm against this fear,
the falls a cooling rush.
Moss beneath me cold and wet,
it sinks under my hand.
And as the sun begins to set,
I lie back against the sand..
The troubles of my day are gone,
for night is drawing nigh.
I stifle one last peaceful yawn,
and fall into the sky.
Author notes
*For Contest: Option 1
Written March 29th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- *~~~A Picture of Home~~~* by torn dragonfly.
450 points, ended June 24, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - If I gave you a box of crayons, would you color me happy? by Breezie.
450 points, ended May 14, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Nice poem. Nice imagery! Wow, it fits with the picture really really well!!! Nice ryhme scheme! Best of Luck in the contest!
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hmmm. Fall into the sky, what a nice thought. That was a very strong line. Good work here.
Good Luck,
Erika
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OOOhhhh----what else can I say, you live inside my own heart. <3
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A very vivid view you put with this write.You have great ryhthem and ryhme in this one.GOOD JOB!!!
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I love everything about this piece, except the opening. I like what you're saying but I do not understand why it has to be put like that, with all the spaces. I don't get it. Oh well, might just be me. Like I said, I really love this. It's very poetic. I love the lines:
"Noise of the silence,
den of the trees.! -
Most beautiful. Good luck in my contest
~ Sylvia x -
What a beautiful picture you have painted with your words for my mind to feast on!!! Wow I am blown away by your vivid and vibrant images here. You honestly did an outstanding job. I love how you lead into the poem. It's just a neat look. Goodness am I ever impressed! God bless you!!! ***smiles*** ~Melissa
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Serene...
Ooooh.. that was very pretty. It makes me want to just escape to a quiet, peaceful spot in nature and enjoy its beauty.
It has very powerful words that create great imagery. I agree w/ some of the other commenters that it did flow quite nicely. If this is your daydream or escape, i'd love to join ya!
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I adore this. First of all, I like that you did those backwards steps... like you walk down into the poem. You don't see unique layouts on here often.
Second of all, I just love it period lol. It makes you feel like your in another world. Very awesome -
absolutely wonderful. i re read this several times to grasp all the images you put into it. you painted a very rich picture with your words. i wonder what it would be like to have this sort of talent. really beautiful.
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amazingly beautiful
Your talent amazes me...this is a very beautifully written poem...the second and fourth stanzas are my favorites...they stand out..to me anyway..excellent job..good luck with the contest and thank you for the comment on Butterfly..your words are appreciated...
~~Kristy -
this was beautiful...the beginning was alitle bit...and i mean little, choppy but my favorite part was...
Animals come from all around,
curious and shy.
Ready to bolt at the smallest sound,
from the grass in which they spy.
this whole poem was beautiful, i LOVED the metaphores! the end was a great way to end...fall asleep,lol...
great write!
--caity -
A most impressive piece. I like theimagery and the structure.
Well done!
Chris -
cool lilty poem, water screaming in my rear. like a fresh frosty dream. soothing and refreshing.
i think you mean "lie" when you write, "lay back against the sand." Unless you really wanted to switch to the past tense right there. the intransitive is called for.
well written. -
This is just lovely... It's a really detailed description and "your" place seems nice. The last stanza made me feel peaceful, it's so soothing... Lovely job, I really liked this.
~Anastasia -
OK
Quite a pleasant piece... though I miss not seeing any words that one might consider out-of-the-ordinary... there are no really compelling adjectives or use of poetic device. It is quaint, and I must say, I really did enjoy the last verse:
The troubles of my day are gone,
for night is drawing nigh.
I stifle one last peaceful yawn,
and fall into the sky. -
wow, nicely writen, great flow.
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This was an awesome poem... if this took work... it didn't feel like it. It was as it just... flowed. Awesome write.
God Bless you,
Jenna -
Very pretty. Great flow, and some very right-on rhyme. Decent meter, very vivid imagery. Reminds me of the time I spent up in the Rockies. ^^
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a very vivid scene even for my rather lame sense of imagination. the beginning is the way it should be; lets it all filter down, empties the mind to accept the rest of it. at least it did mine. neato, as pee wee herman would say
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