Rhythm within verse to bring sweet tears
Silent script breeds death to my fears
And what of the poet's bleeding black soul?
He buried it deep in a dank dark hole...
Red hot edge dipped in enemy’s life
Squirt silent stream of bittersweet strife
And what of the warrior's maddening guilt?
He buried it deep as still he strikes from the hilt...
Lush red lips touch softly his heart
Memory of her expressed tenderly through art
And what of the lover's lost emotion sweet?
He relegated it to his dreams where their gentle lips would meet.
Kiss me my darling
Kiss me my sweet
And feel my warm loving lullaby.
We can waltz through the day
And tango through life,
Pirouette and twirl and bow in the night
Then he whisks you away
And you kill me so softly...
That your haunting verse still plays through my mind
An echo of betrayal incarnate
Sprung from the bosom of your soul.
Don’t worry about me, I can always write...
Just another clichéd melancholy love poem
Author notes
prompt: melancholy love poem
A contest entry
- A Poem That I Can Get Into!!! Give Me Your Best! by MJ Forgives.
1000 points, ended August 13, 78 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - favourite prewrites, please; by epitome.
500 points, ended August 14, 82 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Good Luck!
I love this expressive use of form! It's so original and refreshing. I was getting a little irritated because your poem started off with a very clear rhythm, which then began to stutter, and it is difficult to maintain, but difficult to read. However, it seems the rhythm stutters out to introduce the next one, and whether this was accidental or not, it's what made this poem work. Really well done.
Good luck. -
I like your poem it was soft sweet and great to me. At least thats what I think in my opinion. I hope you do well in my contest and thanks for your entry.
-Jess
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Stunning
I really like it. It's well written.
Few issues though.
In lines 4 & 9. You used the word "red". Kinda repetitive. Maybe use "crimson" or "dahlia" I think one of those would work. Crimson also works with the prompt.
Lines 21-25 were SO amazing, it really drew the poem to a closing & tied it in well.
Though I don't like that you used the actual words of the prompt in your poem, but maybe its just a different way of writing, which works for different people.
All in all, this is really good. I think your gonna do awesome in the contest, good luck!
x
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if you notice, for the first three stanzas i carry one word through... silent, then red... its not redundant, i did it on purpose to link all three...
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Ah well that makes sense. You might want to put that in the AN, so readers understand. But that makes a lot more sense, and reading through it, now that I get it, it brings another meaning to the poem.
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