You said you'd make me cry
as you took my hands
both in fear and joy
I should be at your command
You said I'd never see my family
unless I gave you my tears
and too scared to leave
I stayed with you for years
Now many tears have fallen
down the cheeks of this face
tears of rage and of fear
tears of sadness and disgrace
but of all the tears I've had
the best ones that I cried
were the tears of happiness
the day you finally died
A contest entry
- Everyone wins points!! Quickie by spiritraven.
700 points, ended August 7, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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A very powerful poem with strong emotions, you made me feel the fear and the sadness. If I may make a suggestion, I know that tears are an important part of this poem, but in the second stanza you seem to use the word rather a lot and it distracts a little from the message, but I think you could easily change the wording slightly to replace it without losing the flow of the poem. Just my opinion
Congratulations on the gold!
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Wow!
Very emotional piece. The imagery is sad but very well done. A good flow throughout and you made me cry (not an easy thing to accomplish). Thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck
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ohh no, what a dark and sad poem it is..i even felt like trembling when i was reading it..
that means you are successful as a writer, cause you have made your reader feel it in blood.. -
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Thank you so much!
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