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Sleeping Butterfly

butterfly will dream
of flowers light in its sleep
summertime it wakes
sleeping in the night
with leaves on bush as its bed
crying it will rest

butterfly does rest
dreaming not a normal dream
tears fall on its bed
crying in its sleep
its sobs were heard all the night
with wet eyes it wakes

sad butterfly wakes
happy after the long rest
sunrise ends the night
haunted by the dream
butterfly longs for more sleep
wants to cry in bed

returning to bed
butterfly refused to wake
terrified of sleep
but needing to rest
scared of the such painful dream
wants day to end night

never ending night
makes butterfly die in bed
haunted not by dream
not able to wake
butterfly lives in long rest
with cousin of sleep

in eternal sleep
living in eternal night
butterfly does rest
velvet lines its bed
butterfly will not now wake
stuck in a long dream

it sleeps in its bed
at night it will never wake
rests in land of dream

Author notes

sestina, with each stanza being two haiku.
a m p h i b o l i a

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • divebar
    August 24

    Edit | Reply

    no

    i really like the combination of the forms. the content leaves a lot to be desired. i think im just biased against crying butterflies :/

  • unraveled
    August 22

    Edit | Reply

    My vote for Introspection is no. There is a lot of skill in the form here, but I found the overall originality of the piece to be limited by the form, focused too much around the sadness and sleeping of the butterfly. I would prefer more depth and evolution.

    Thanks,
    -Cassidy


  • Pondering-panda
    August 8
    Edit | Reply
    I like it! very well done.


  • Topaze
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    A lovely piece, very well done.
    My best wishes.


  • lilangelsnemesis gold member
    August 7

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    You did a great job combining the Sestina and the Haiku. The forms are great together. I only found one mistake.
    Stanza 4 line 2: Butterfly refuses to wake is 8 syllables not 7. Everything else is fine and you did an excellent job weaving a wonderful piece of poetry into these two forms.

    Thank-you for entering the contest

1 - 10 of 10