Light split the surface across
a beach stretched taut
Toes partially buried in a sea of earthly waste
held dreams compressed
Beside me, a man with
no patience for poetry
Dull blond hair coarse with gray
showed honesty
A beauty, not a transformation of simple features, but
an assertion of them
Bones rested like soft quartz
Teeth, crumbled conch shells tasted
algae's afterglow
The earth curved
We merged
into a blue line of infinity
.
Author notes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARIr6S_0lAQ
if that doesn't work here is a link to the lyrics:
http://www.last.fm/music/Nickel+Creek/_/The+Lighthouse%27s+Tale/+lyrics
In a list
A contest entry
- the sailors say "brandy, you're a fine girl what a good wife you would be" by Cat.
10000 points, ended September 4, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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I LOVE THAT SONG! =)
and this is so great! thanks so much for sharing. congratulations on the gold!
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Hi,
crumbled conch shells, taste algeas afterglow strikes something I heard on the radio that man is now, on the way to making biofuels.
They have structured the worlds first manmade bacteria,
and in the futre will be able to slow global warming,
Pretty exciting
s joe joe -
of course this is gold... thank goodness
well done and congrats girl -
i like the setting, at the intersection of the land and sea; it leaves me feeling renewed, or perhaps like the water imagery, reborn. there is slight wistful feel, like a soft trade wind, and hope in your love poetry. -patientphish
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Light split the surface across
a beach stretched taut>>> perfect start to a wonderfully written poem. Love the song that you posted with it and the video was gorgeous.
Only part that hung me up was this one line: Teeth, crumbled conch shells tasted
algaes afterglow >>> Probably just the way I am reading it but it tripped me up a bit.
and 
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Wow, I vividly remember writing a comment a couple of days ago. Must have been one of those randomly eaten by the site comments. (Or i did something silly like navigate away from the page without hitting enter). Or maybe I dreamed it all...
let's see if I can remember... I said the first two lines were strong - scene setting and vivid. While I too like the man with no patience for poetry line, I think the last section stands out in terms of imagery. I also said algaes needs an apostrophe, no? I like the feeling/atmosphere.
I was much more eloquent last time, really.
j
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with each read i find more here...
i love this more each time--- my favorite line is the very simple.. a man with no patience for poetry... there is something so strong in the simplicity of that... something so telling in the poetry which grows anyhow.. from him -- through you
and your final stanza... wow..
wonderful, wonderful..
m
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I love the line about the man with no patience for poetry. I find that notion heartbreaking; but one I run into. I showed my brother a poem I wrote about my mother's passing; he liked it. I showed him a shaped poem about my wife; and he didn't get it, and begged off.
The piece has merit. I found "waste" end of line 3 to be a distraction, and not in keeping with my internal pristine vision. There must be a much more poetic word or image you can paint here...
Nother thing. Spell check algae. -
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TY
I am glad you had a part of this you could take into your own space and be familiar with it. Thank you for your thoughts too and the algae thing sthoopid keyboard!! hee hee
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This is all so perfect. I've read it a few times now and I can't pick a favorite part. Love, love, love it.
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Bones rested like soft quartz
Teeth, crumbled conch shells tasted
algeas afterglow
The earth curved
We merged
into a blue line of infinity
wowwow. thats a perfect stanza
i love all the references to the the ocean.
and that makes for a great ending. -
I like this a bunch. You paint with words, each word/hue/nuance adding to the visual, the mood, the moment. Well done.
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Thanks Rob so much for leaving me a wonderful reply. I hope all is well with you
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Each line is a gem to me, imagery is wonderful compressed, laying bare the essence of your thoughts. I really love your last stanza..very impressed! I have no sound on my computer, so I can't listen to your secret song lol
Good luck in Cat's contest
Erwin
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Thanks so much for such a thoughful reply. I do wish you could hear the song
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Your imagery is really gorgeous, goz. It always is. I love the description of sand as earthly waste ... so organic.
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and I am happy to see you here!
TY birchy
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two thumbs way up
al
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It is nice to see you here!
TY for reading
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heidi, i like your writing.
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Thank you for taking the time
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beautiful...the last two lines...sigh.
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TY Jersene for reading this
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love the title and the poem. the nautical feel of this piece really speaks to me. it reaches far, like the "arms" of the lighthouse. good to see you writing again
~ Nicolette
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TY I am so glad you enjoyed!
hope all is well!
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A beauty, not a transformation of simple features, but
an assertion of them
What a wonderful line and idea. A basic beauty that is in some way eternal and ageless. Part of an extension of what lies within and inseparable from that. Wonderful that you used the lighthouse metaphor . . . that which guides in weather both fair and foul.
Excellent.
Garrison
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Thank you so much for your insightful comments. I appreciate you taking the time you have in reading and commenting.
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Good to see a piece from you buddy,
you leave me pondering as always.
Ken
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Thanks for stopping by Ken
Good to see you here on my page and I hope all is well!
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a beach stretched taut
a man with
no patience for poetry
Bones rested like soft quartz
I love those lines. and the ending... soft and beautiful.
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I am so glad you liked it. Thank you for a lovely comment.
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oh, maybe it is a song title or line though..oops..
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I am so glad you liked it so much...
yeah it is a line from the song- one of the rules
Hope all is well with you!
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hehe, yeah, i thought of that after because i remember reading the contest....
i'm good! thanks
and i hope all is good with you too.
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and ......
where is your entry young lady?
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this is absolutely gorgeous. i love the beach stretched taut...the last two lines are so beautiful, when i read this, i picture it highly saturated beach colors...
title suggestion:
i am the lighthouse, worn by weather and waves [omit the thes?, just a suggestion]
it's so good to read you again.
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evocative of time and place in nature, loved bones rested like soft quartz and really loved reading one by you. it seems like it's been a while? has it?
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Thank you!
Yup it has been a really LONG time! Life took over and i my muse would start lots but could never find closure in anything.. It was nice to complete this and I am so glad you liked it.
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this was wonderful; I loved every word of it
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TY I am so glad you enjoyed it.
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I'm so happy to finally see something from you. It certainly doesn't disappoint either. This is infinitely beautiful
Tegan
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TY so much for enjoying it. Love the funky pic in your sig!
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You're more than welcome.
And thank you, lol, I got bored and started messing around on photoshop
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"I believe, that in our deepest sorrow, as well as in our highest elation, the essence of something phenomenal waits".
Quote by me.
It’s evident that Paul inspires you, and that’s a good thing.
It's about dang time you started writing again!
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it is 330am here --- i am too excited to see him and it feels like xmas right now...
i love and adore that quote by you
I am going to try... try to catch a few hours of sleep! lol
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this is what happens when your man is around and he brings you love, honesty and peace, for however long he's home, then worship the time to be precious and worn like tiny granules of sand...... aging always, yet can weather any storm
most beautimous Heidi!! oh yes ....
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TY... I love where you go within things. Paul was home but has been gone a month- but is home in a ver short time... i love how you picked up on the love, honesty and peace within hardship.
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So great to see a poem from you, and I see you haven't lost any talent or your poetic senses. Very good work here.
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Thanks so much... it has been a while and I seem to start lots of ditties but haven't been able to finish anything- sort of frustrating!!! I hope I was able to fasten some closure to this one.
I love that photo of you with your cat!!!! -
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yep, this is better. Good edit.
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